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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 11:46:00 GMT 1, No swearing, the views expressed by me are the expression of my own views, other views do exist. Consultations via PM will be sceen with a psedonym of course.
Terry, i wouldnt try that, plonk some Germolene on it and see how it goes, cheese graters not a "cool" idea at all.
No swearing, the views expressed by me are the expression of my own views, other views do exist. Consultations via PM will be sceen with a psedonym of course.
Terry, i wouldnt try that, plonk some Germolene on it and see how it goes, cheese graters not a "cool" idea at all.
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ricobenfico
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 3,174
๐๐ป 364
May 2008
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by ricobenfico on Nov 11, 2010 13:10:09 GMT 1, Dear Wiz,
I have 2 friends (male and female) coming to visit/stay this weekend with my wife and I. Also this weekend is the Scotland v All Blacks rugby at Murrayfield (which neither of the above would be interested in) that I'd like to attend then I have my Football Club Xmas night out after the rugby (Sat night). At the same time, my friends/wife want to go out and do something.
What should I do?
Yours,
In Dilemma
Dear Wiz,
I have 2 friends (male and female) coming to visit/stay this weekend with my wife and I. Also this weekend is the Scotland v All Blacks rugby at Murrayfield (which neither of the above would be interested in) that I'd like to attend then I have my Football Club Xmas night out after the rugby (Sat night). At the same time, my friends/wife want to go out and do something.
What should I do?
Yours,
In Dilemma
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 13:16:12 GMT 1, Thats an easy one, when the guests arrive just speak through the letterbox to them saying that you and your v beautful wife have this week become stricken with a virus, this virus means you cannot possibly come into any contact with ugly people and though you are not saying they are exactly ugly "as such" you are taking no chances, if this doesnt work just swap the door numbers with next door.
Thats an easy one, when the guests arrive just speak through the letterbox to them saying that you and your v beautful wife have this week become stricken with a virus, this virus means you cannot possibly come into any contact with ugly people and though you are not saying they are exactly ugly "as such" you are taking no chances, if this doesnt work just swap the door numbers with next door.
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adewilliams
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,190
๐๐ป 321
May 2009
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by adewilliams on Nov 11, 2010 13:20:15 GMT 1, Hi Wizz,
I've got a stinking cold at the moment and a sore throat. I have been getting through a lot of Lockets, (the lemon and honey variety) and they really help to soothe my throat but make me fart badly. Is this normal?
best, Ade
Hi Wizz,
I've got a stinking cold at the moment and a sore throat. I have been getting through a lot of Lockets, (the lemon and honey variety) and they really help to soothe my throat but make me fart badly. Is this normal?
best, Ade
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 13:29:04 GMT 1, MFrank..... Keep chasing the Hags, you can do this while simultaneously amassing a great fortune via various means, one easy method is the capture and selling of Hags on the secret market to rich men in Yabadabbadoo or somewhere similar. I would wait until you are at least 56 before settling down to spend your remaining years as the Hef but remember you only live once so enjoy yourself, also have a tattoo done.
MFrank..... Keep chasing the Hags, you can do this while simultaneously amassing a great fortune via various means, one easy method is the capture and selling of Hags on the secret market to rich men in Yabadabbadoo or somewhere similar. I would wait until you are at least 56 before settling down to spend your remaining years as the Hef but remember you only live once so enjoy yourself, also have a tattoo done.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 13:35:42 GMT 1, Ade. No, this is not the norm at all, if the trumps are the SBD variety then alls fair so just move along and blame someone else, if however the trumps are noisy ones then you should also shout out loudly at the same time as the trump to make people assume you have Tourette syndrome, this will enable you to shrug off any weird looks you may get with a direct insult to the accuser. Also re the sore throat, smear a Rabbit with Vaseline and use it in your throat like a bottle brush, works a treat.
Ade. No, this is not the norm at all, if the trumps are the SBD variety then alls fair so just move along and blame someone else, if however the trumps are noisy ones then you should also shout out loudly at the same time as the trump to make people assume you have Tourette syndrome, this will enable you to shrug off any weird looks you may get with a direct insult to the accuser. Also re the sore throat, smear a Rabbit with Vaseline and use it in your throat like a bottle brush, works a treat.
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Wearology
Junior Member
Staff at FatFreeArt
๐จ๏ธ 3,580
๐๐ป 4,502
April 2008
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by Wearology on Nov 11, 2010 14:41:27 GMT 1, November 11, 2010 Dear Mr. Wizbong, Is Chlamydia a type of flower? Thank you, Jon
November 11, 2010 Dear Mr. Wizbong, Is Chlamydia a type of flower? Thank you, Jon
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 15:02:43 GMT 1, Jon. Oh dear oh dear, is that what she told you? how gullible you are my lad, after the time you had with the Asian Ladyboy who told you that was what it was supposed to look like i assumed you had wised up a little, anyhow take heart as it may clear up in a few months and if it doesnt so what! its not like your dance cards full is it now?. Stick to computer games Jon its far safer.
Jon. Oh dear oh dear, is that what she told you? how gullible you are my lad, after the time you had with the Asian Ladyboy who told you that was what it was supposed to look like i assumed you had wised up a little, anyhow take heart as it may clear up in a few months and if it doesnt so what! its not like your dance cards full is it now?. Stick to computer games Jon its far safer.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by fingerz on Nov 11, 2010 15:05:48 GMT 1, Dear Wiz, i have emailed you privately about this problem but i thought it's best to get it out in the open so other people no how some people in this world are...!!!...what should i do about the swine's/chav's who went on a free for all on bonfire night and stole and then burnt my 2yrs plastic slide....??....on a lighter note what can i do about my addiction of wanting things for free or dirt cheap...?
Thanks Pete
Dear Wiz, i have emailed you privately about this problem but i thought it's best to get it out in the open so other people no how some people in this world are...!!!...what should i do about the swine's/chav's who went on a free for all on bonfire night and stole and then burnt my 2yrs plastic slide....??....on a lighter note what can i do about my addiction of wanting things for free or dirt cheap...?
Thanks Pete
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by boaty on Nov 11, 2010 15:08:56 GMT 1, Dear Wiz, what are the pros and cons of being a ManChild? Thanks, Boaty
Dear Wiz, what are the pros and cons of being a ManChild? Thanks, Boaty
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 15:13:01 GMT 1, Pete. I did indeed receive the email from you re. this matter. Its a great shame the thugs wrecked your garden on Bonfire night and in the process took and then burned your 2 year olds garden slide thus leaving him with nothing to play on, something should be done, maybe dig some kind of man trap out there in readiness for next year?. Re the second point of your being obsessed with freebies then i can see no wrong in this, i have had many a freebie in my time and although not quite as obsessed as you seem to be it is always satisfying when said freebie is delivered. You should work through this obsession by over indulging until it wears off, you can start by asking for a free garden slide for your 2 year old! thats a start. Stop picking your nose by the way, if you cannot please use something other than the girlfriends toothbrush.
Pete. I did indeed receive the email from you re. this matter. Its a great shame the thugs wrecked your garden on Bonfire night and in the process took and then burned your 2 year olds garden slide thus leaving him with nothing to play on, something should be done, maybe dig some kind of man trap out there in readiness for next year?. Re the second point of your being obsessed with freebies then i can see no wrong in this, i have had many a freebie in my time and although not quite as obsessed as you seem to be it is always satisfying when said freebie is delivered. You should work through this obsession by over indulging until it wears off, you can start by asking for a free garden slide for your 2 year old! thats a start. Stop picking your nose by the way, if you cannot please use something other than the girlfriends toothbrush.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 15:17:13 GMT 1, Boaty. The pros are, always looking good,never having to work for a living if you can find the right muggins to support you,having lots of time for shopping and other inane pastimes which include skin moisturisation / pedicures and cooking experimental meals whilst being dressed as Nigella. There are no cons. Stop wearing those shoes, you look like a slut from the knees down.
edit: Keep the shoes on.
Boaty. The pros are, always looking good,never having to work for a living if you can find the right muggins to support you,having lots of time for shopping and other inane pastimes which include skin moisturisation / pedicures and cooking experimental meals whilst being dressed as Nigella. There are no cons. Stop wearing those shoes, you look like a slut from the knees down.
edit: Keep the shoes on.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 15:24:30 GMT 1, Dear HighasakiteinCali. I think you already know the answer deep within, your nasty habit has now leaked onto your Cats and in turn they have become increasingly dependent on you for their wants and needs. Heres an idea, next time you have a Bongup or make some Maryjoanna smokes or whatever you potheads do just give the Cats a ball of wool to play with, this is called "Aversion Therapy", it will make the Cats used to playing instead of crowding around your face inhaling secondary smoke as it chuffs out of your fizzog, if it doesnt work then at least you get some peace while on the Jazz ciggies as your Cats will be far too busy shredding your woolen jumpers. Like the haircut by the way.
Dear HighasakiteinCali. I think you already know the answer deep within, your nasty habit has now leaked onto your Cats and in turn they have become increasingly dependent on you for their wants and needs. Heres an idea, next time you have a Bongup or make some Maryjoanna smokes or whatever you potheads do just give the Cats a ball of wool to play with, this is called "Aversion Therapy", it will make the Cats used to playing instead of crowding around your face inhaling secondary smoke as it chuffs out of your fizzog, if it doesnt work then at least you get some peace while on the Jazz ciggies as your Cats will be far too busy shredding your woolen jumpers. Like the haircut by the way.
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JD
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,756
๐๐ป 706
June 2007
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by JD on Nov 11, 2010 15:56:17 GMT 1, Dear Wizz If quantatative easing causes hyper inflation do you think the housing market will go up or down ? Houses are assets but how will people afford them ? Especially with high interest rates ?
Dear Wizz If quantatative easing causes hyper inflation do you think the housing market will go up or down ? Houses are assets but how will people afford them ? Especially with high interest rates ?
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ricobenfico
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 3,174
๐๐ป 364
May 2008
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by ricobenfico on Nov 11, 2010 16:07:37 GMT 1, Dear Wiz, I am a California medical marijuana patient. Does that automatically make my cats medical marijuana patience, too? or will they need their own prescription? Mr. Meowski says we're "all good", but i just don't know. Thank you, High As A Cat In Cali
So that's why we've not heard much from you Adam?!?
Dear Wiz, I am a California medical marijuana patient. Does that automatically make my cats medical marijuana patience, too? or will they need their own prescription? Mr. Meowski says we're "all good", but i just don't know. Thank you, High As A Cat In Cali So that's why we've not heard much from you Adam?!?
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jackstranger
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,132
๐๐ป 23
April 2010
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by jackstranger on Nov 11, 2010 16:31:05 GMT 1, Dear Wizz,
I am following your columns and threads since a long time ago and I am always amazed by the clarity and 'wizzdom' of your replies, so I am trying my luck to have my question replied.
Since a long time I shared my life with my lovely teddy Aloysius. Apart from his stubbornness and bad humor attacks, that sometimes resulted in violent physical attacks to me and did put my life in danger, he was always kind to me. However, being addicted to sports, last week he did run away with my gym buddy and now I feel completely lost and alone. Can you please give my some guidance on how to move along with this and be the happy person I was before?
Thank you very much, you are the best! JS
Dear Wizz,
I am following your columns and threads since a long time ago and I am always amazed by the clarity and 'wizzdom' of your replies, so I am trying my luck to have my question replied.
Since a long time I shared my life with my lovely teddy Aloysius. Apart from his stubbornness and bad humor attacks, that sometimes resulted in violent physical attacks to me and did put my life in danger, he was always kind to me. However, being addicted to sports, last week he did run away with my gym buddy and now I feel completely lost and alone. Can you please give my some guidance on how to move along with this and be the happy person I was before?
Thank you very much, you are the best! JS
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 17:21:59 GMT 1, JD. Yes houses will go up, this depends on the area of course, though if the area is as rough as a chuff and full of scobbers then there is a chance it will remain the same as the locals will never be able to afford decent houses so tend not to move out of the area. My advice would be to rent pro tem then keep half an eye open for bargains at property sales / auctions. Tidy that room.
JD. Yes houses will go up, this depends on the area of course, though if the area is as rough as a chuff and full of scobbers then there is a chance it will remain the same as the locals will never be able to afford decent houses so tend not to move out of the area. My advice would be to rent pro tem then keep half an eye open for bargains at property sales / auctions. Tidy that room.
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jeromeetjess
New Member
๐จ๏ธ 399
๐๐ป 23
December 2009
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by jeromeetjess on Nov 11, 2010 17:25:53 GMT 1, Hi Wizbong I am interested by street art in Paris for many years and saw on the wall variety of works from French artists such as JR, Invader, C215, Jef Aerosol, L'Atlas, Nemo, Mosko et associรฉs, Miss Tic et Jerome Mesnager and the last one Gregos who stikcs painted faces on the wall. Could you please named UK artists and galleries of such interest for me as it seems that UK street art public is more dynamic than french one. Thanks
Hi Wizbong I am interested by street art in Paris for many years and saw on the wall variety of works from French artists such as JR, Invader, C215, Jef Aerosol, L'Atlas, Nemo, Mosko et associรฉs, Miss Tic et Jerome Mesnager and the last one Gregos who stikcs painted faces on the wall. Could you please named UK artists and galleries of such interest for me as it seems that UK street art public is more dynamic than french one. Thanks
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 17:27:30 GMT 1, JS. Have no fear! the return of Aloyisius is imminent i feel. these Bears have quite a nasty streak to their otherwise cuddly and lovable persona, they tend to work on you for the formative years until you are completely at ease with them and then pow! they hit and run, this elopement is a test, he and the Gym Buddy (what the hell is that?) are at this moment sat in their cosy little bedsit in the country house they have borrowed from their patron Cecil and are giggling away while sipping Port and nibbling on Brandy Snaps and Abernethy biscuits, when the food runs out he will realise the new Buddy is but a sham and will return to you. Read more books and dont comb your hair like that.
JS. Have no fear! the return of Aloyisius is imminent i feel. these Bears have quite a nasty streak to their otherwise cuddly and lovable persona, they tend to work on you for the formative years until you are completely at ease with them and then pow! they hit and run, this elopement is a test, he and the Gym Buddy (what the hell is that?) are at this moment sat in their cosy little bedsit in the country house they have borrowed from their patron Cecil and are giggling away while sipping Port and nibbling on Brandy Snaps and Abernethy biscuits, when the food runs out he will realise the new Buddy is but a sham and will return to you. Read more books and dont comb your hair like that.
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Deleted
๐จ๏ธ 0
๐๐ป
January 1970
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by Deleted on Nov 11, 2010 17:32:32 GMT 1, Dear Wiz, i noticed on another thread that you are into Anthony and the Johnsons. Have you listened to 'Dirty Projectors- Bitte orca' ?. I think you'll like it.
Dear Wiz, i noticed on another thread that you are into Anthony and the Johnsons. Have you listened to 'Dirty Projectors- Bitte orca' ?. I think you'll like it.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 17:32:45 GMT 1, Dear HighasakiteinCali. The scenario you put forward will only work and seem the norm if you were to move pronto to Paris and set up in an attic there to paint nudes, to do this you must also live on Gitanes and Coffee with the odd piece of Bread (dry), when and if your body weight reaches down to five stones you will have sympathy and be forgiven, until then you are a porky pothead from California im afraid. Wait until Christmas and hang the Cats on the tree using the ready built in strip of wool they have poking from their crevices. Your hair needs dying again.
Dear HighasakiteinCali. The scenario you put forward will only work and seem the norm if you were to move pronto to Paris and set up in an attic there to paint nudes, to do this you must also live on Gitanes and Coffee with the odd piece of Bread (dry), when and if your body weight reaches down to five stones you will have sympathy and be forgiven, until then you are a porky pothead from California im afraid. Wait until Christmas and hang the Cats on the tree using the ready built in strip of wool they have poking from their crevices. Your hair needs dying again.
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JD
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,756
๐๐ป 706
June 2007
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by JD on Nov 11, 2010 17:35:47 GMT 1, JD. Yes houses will go up, this depends on the area of course, though if the area is as rough as a chuff and full of scobbers then there is a chance it will remain the same as the locals will never be able to afford decent houses so tend not to move out of the area. My advice would be to rent pro tem then keep half an eye open for bargains at property sales / auctions. Tidy that room.
Thanks Wizz. ok i will rent but only if you can answer question from earlier .how do i hang pictures without incurring a damage deposit fine for repainting and filling?
JD. Yes houses will go up, this depends on the area of course, though if the area is as rough as a chuff and full of scobbers then there is a chance it will remain the same as the locals will never be able to afford decent houses so tend not to move out of the area. My advice would be to rent pro tem then keep half an eye open for bargains at property sales / auctions. Tidy that room. Thanks Wizz. ok i will rent but only if you can answer question from earlier .how do i hang pictures without incurring a damage deposit fine for repainting and filling?
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 17:37:43 GMT 1, Jeromeetjess. I cannot help you there im afraid as i never venture out onto the street so know none of these "Artists" you speak of (arent they just vandals who scribble on walls everywhere for Gods sake), i have heard tell of a man who knows of all these sorts but he only speaks once a year on April 17th at 3pm, his name is Lazaramides or something like that, he is your best bet, i believe you can contact him via a Ouiga board though the person who told me this is infact a nutcase and not to be trusted. Best just stick to France i reckon. Eat less onions.
Jeromeetjess. I cannot help you there im afraid as i never venture out onto the street so know none of these "Artists" you speak of (arent they just vandals who scribble on walls everywhere for Gods sake), i have heard tell of a man who knows of all these sorts but he only speaks once a year on April 17th at 3pm, his name is Lazaramides or something like that, he is your best bet, i believe you can contact him via a Ouiga board though the person who told me this is infact a nutcase and not to be trusted. Best just stick to France i reckon. Eat less onions.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 17:40:45 GMT 1, JD, dont get pushy!, here is Brian Einsteins theory for picture hanging, Picture + Nail - Landlord + hammer = result. You could also try the minimal look. Brylcreem.
JD, dont get pushy!, here is Brian Einsteins theory for picture hanging, Picture + Nail - Landlord + hammer = result. You could also try the minimal look. Brylcreem.
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jeromeetjess
New Member
๐จ๏ธ 399
๐๐ป 23
December 2009
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by jeromeetjess on Nov 11, 2010 17:42:13 GMT 1, Thanks anyaway Wizbong, I keep following yours threads with many interest
Thanks anyaway Wizbong, I keep following yours threads with many interest
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 17:44:12 GMT 1, Slammer. I have not heard that one but i will give it a shot thank you. I hear tell that Antony is infact the love child of Liza Minelli and Boy George but Leigh Bowery always disputed that of course. May i recommend Daniel O'Donnell for your Christmas stocking?( the CD and not the man) hes an excellent singer and also makes lovely cakes. Dont ask.
Slammer. I have not heard that one but i will give it a shot thank you. I hear tell that Antony is infact the love child of Liza Minelli and Boy George but Leigh Bowery always disputed that of course. May i recommend Daniel O'Donnell for your Christmas stocking?( the CD and not the man) hes an excellent singer and also makes lovely cakes. Dont ask.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by fingerz on Nov 11, 2010 17:56:49 GMT 1, will there ever be a boy born that can swim as fast as a shark...??
will there ever be a boy born that can swim as fast as a shark...??
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Bram
Artist
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 2,819
๐๐ป 295
November 2007
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by Bram on Nov 11, 2010 18:09:36 GMT 1, Dear Sir,
I am approaching a time in my life where the surplus rioja's have started to congregate around the midriff. I can't help noticing (and this is in no way a come on) that you keep yourself so trim for a man of such years. Firstly can you tell me "the secret" and secondly, have you any plans to publish that workout DVD for Christmas (you know, the one they tried to ban.). Mum's are so hard to buy for aren't they!
yours, Troubled from Manchester
Dear Sir,
I am approaching a time in my life where the surplus rioja's have started to congregate around the midriff. I can't help noticing (and this is in no way a come on) that you keep yourself so trim for a man of such years. Firstly can you tell me "the secret" and secondly, have you any plans to publish that workout DVD for Christmas (you know, the one they tried to ban.). Mum's are so hard to buy for aren't they!
yours, Troubled from Manchester
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 18:15:16 GMT 1, Pete. Is this particular Shark alive with both flippers (?) intact etc. because if it is then the answer is no, if however you are referring to that dead one at Dover then i assume any competent swimmer could beat or at the least keep up with it in the water as it just floats. Many people assume because Kevin Kostnothing made the series of films,Dances with Wolves / Bouncing with Badgers / Elongating with Elephants etc that man is actually equal to animals, this may be true but so are a lot of things, but not this one. Eat more bran.
Pete. Is this particular Shark alive with both flippers (?) intact etc. because if it is then the answer is no, if however you are referring to that dead one at Dover then i assume any competent swimmer could beat or at the least keep up with it in the water as it just floats. Many people assume because Kevin Kostnothing made the series of films,Dances with Wolves / Bouncing with Badgers / Elongating with Elephants etc that man is actually equal to animals, this may be true but so are a lot of things, but not this one. Eat more bran.
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- Ask Wizbong Anything !!! -, by wizzy on Nov 11, 2010 18:20:31 GMT 1, Dear Troubled from Manchester. Lets not pussyfoot here, you are fat, you have eaten far too many Riojas (?) and now you are suffering, i take it you are married already? because if not dont get you hopes up. My secret of staying slim is to wear really tight waisted undercrackers, this has the benefit of making me look slim when infact i am not really slim though i am only 11st. The DVD we hope will be given a pass this year, apparently it was down to the woman at the back whos bits kept falling out but shes slimmed down a bit now which is good for her as she no longer gets harpoons thrown at her on the beach. Paint more.
Dear Troubled from Manchester. Lets not pussyfoot here, you are fat, you have eaten far too many Riojas (?) and now you are suffering, i take it you are married already? because if not dont get you hopes up. My secret of staying slim is to wear really tight waisted undercrackers, this has the benefit of making me look slim when infact i am not really slim though i am only 11st. The DVD we hope will be given a pass this year, apparently it was down to the woman at the back whos bits kept falling out but shes slimmed down a bit now which is good for her as she no longer gets harpoons thrown at her on the beach. Paint more.
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