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Jokes!
Aug 6, 2008 0:44:06 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Aug 6, 2008 0:44:06 GMT 1, How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish
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goffy
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,401
Likes โข 0
November 2006
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Jokes!
Aug 6, 2008 0:51:23 GMT 1
Jokes!, by goffy on Aug 6, 2008 0:51:23 GMT 1, There are so many floral tributes on the streets of Hackney for all of the kids that have been shot or stabbed, that it has now been nominated for Britain's most picturesque village!
There are so many floral tributes on the streets of Hackney for all of the kids that have been shot or stabbed, that it has now been nominated for Britain's most picturesque village!
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
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January 1970
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Jokes!
Aug 6, 2008 0:55:55 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Aug 6, 2008 0:55:55 GMT 1, How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish
Hahahaha. "Fish" hahaha.
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish Hahahaha. "Fish" hahaha.
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jam
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,629
Likes โข 31
November 2006
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Jokes!
Aug 6, 2008 7:40:02 GMT 1
Jokes!, by jam on Aug 6, 2008 7:40:02 GMT 1, I rear-ended a car this morning on the way to work. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car and I couldn't believe it.... he was a dwarf. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
I rear-ended a car this morning on the way to work. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car and I couldn't believe it.... he was a dwarf. He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'
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Jokes!
Aug 6, 2008 8:10:51 GMT 1
Jokes!, by onemandown72 on Aug 6, 2008 8:10:51 GMT 1, Les Dawson Special - 40th Wedding anniversary my wife asked if we could go somewhere special she'd never been before, so I and led her by the hand to the kitchen.
What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder, vacuuming with the light turned off Orchestral maneuvers in the dark
Lastly How do you get a nun pregnant F*ck her
Les Dawson Special - 40th Wedding anniversary my wife asked if we could go somewhere special she'd never been before, so I and led her by the hand to the kitchen.
What do you call a man with a bird of prey on each shoulder, vacuuming with the light turned off Orchestral maneuvers in the dark
Lastly How do you get a nun pregnant F*ck her
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Michael Jacob
Artist
Junior Member
Posts โข 2,049
Likes โข 29
October 2006
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 15:16:18 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Michael Jacob on Aug 8, 2008 15:16:18 GMT 1, An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie
An old Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop, Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie
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chrispa
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,399
Likes โข 566
May 2006
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 15:41:19 GMT 1
Jokes!, by chrispa on Aug 8, 2008 15:41:19 GMT 1, There are only 10 types of people in the world
Those that understand binary, and those that don't....
There are only 10 types of people in the world
Those that understand binary, and those that don't....
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silvermyn
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,611
Likes โข 781
April 2008
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 16:58:09 GMT 1
Jokes!, by silvermyn on Aug 8, 2008 16:58:09 GMT 1, Man walks into a bar and he shouts: "f**kin' hell that hurt!"...
Man walks into a bar and he shouts: "f**kin' hell that hurt!"...
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JD
Junior Member
Posts โข 1,755
Likes โข 706
June 2007
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 18:45:38 GMT 1
Jokes!, by JD on Aug 8, 2008 18:45:38 GMT 1, Going to watch my wedding video later, backwards. Cos I love the end bit where she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle, jumps in the car and buggers off!
Going to watch my wedding video later, backwards. Cos I love the end bit where she takes the ring off, goes back down the aisle, jumps in the car and buggers off!
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 19:07:15 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Daniel Silk on Aug 8, 2008 19:07:15 GMT 1, Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, breaking in, evading security, getting out and escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his Econoline van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:
"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 19:08:42 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Daniel Silk on Aug 8, 2008 19:08:42 GMT 1, Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold.
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
Doctor, Doctor I keep painting myself gold.
Don't worry it's just a gilt complex!
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
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January 1970
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Jokes!
Aug 8, 2008 19:44:59 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Aug 8, 2008 19:44:59 GMT 1, Chap goes to see his father in the retirement home and asks "how are you sleeping?" and dad says "oh quite well really as they give us a viagra before bedtime" chap thinks it a little odd and goes off to see the nurse, "my father says he is sleeping well due to his nightly viagra tablet? surely he means something else?" and nurse says " oh thats quite right, we give all the old chaps one at night as it stops them rolling out of bed" haha.(bit rude).
Chap goes to see his father in the retirement home and asks "how are you sleeping?" and dad says "oh quite well really as they give us a viagra before bedtime" chap thinks it a little odd and goes off to see the nurse, "my father says he is sleeping well due to his nightly viagra tablet? surely he means something else?" and nurse says " oh thats quite right, we give all the old chaps one at night as it stops them rolling out of bed" haha.(bit rude).
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
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January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:35:27 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 0:35:27 GMT 1, bruce forsyth and a horse walk into a pub and the barman asks bruce "why the long face"
Hahaha i just got it ;D ;D, (was wondering why horse was there but i see now!).
bruce forsyth and a horse walk into a pub and the barman asks bruce "why the long face" Hahaha i just got it ;D ;D, (was wondering why horse was there but i see now!).
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:41:46 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 0:41:46 GMT 1, A man goes into a petshop, and asks the sales assistant "do you sell wasps" assistant says "no, we don't sell wasps" man says "well you had one in the window yesterday"
A man goes into a petshop, and asks the sales assistant "do you sell wasps" assistant says "no, we don't sell wasps" man says "well you had one in the window yesterday"
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:48:29 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 0:48:29 GMT 1, Haha good one Ronhill, "Wasps!" haha.
Haha good one Ronhill, "Wasps!" haha.
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:49:21 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 0:49:21 GMT 1, it made me laugh!
it made me laugh!
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:50:55 GMT 1
Jokes!, by alsbabar on Sept 10, 2008 0:50:55 GMT 1, Englishman, Irishman, Frenchman lost for a weel in the sahara desert while on patrol with the foreign legion, with No food nor drink all on deaths door. The englishman collapses from exhaustion head first in to the sand, and hits a hard glass object, he scrambles through the sand, finds a bottle and thanks god for the miracle. He opens the bottle and out pops a genie, the genie says "i have been stuck in this bottle for a 1000 years and to thank you for freeing me I will grant you 1 wish each". The Englishman says "i wish i was sitting in The Ritz, drinking tea and eating scones, with ยฃ10 million in the bank", whoosh like magic he disappears. The Frenchman steps up to the genie and says "i wish i was sitting in a Champs Elysses cafe, drinking a nice 1993 Beajoulais, with 10million euros in the bank", whoosh he disappears. The Irishman steps up, and says "i'm lonely can i have my friends back"
Englishman, Irishman, Frenchman lost for a weel in the sahara desert while on patrol with the foreign legion, with No food nor drink all on deaths door. The englishman collapses from exhaustion head first in to the sand, and hits a hard glass object, he scrambles through the sand, finds a bottle and thanks god for the miracle. He opens the bottle and out pops a genie, the genie says "i have been stuck in this bottle for a 1000 years and to thank you for freeing me I will grant you 1 wish each". The Englishman says "i wish i was sitting in The Ritz, drinking tea and eating scones, with ยฃ10 million in the bank", whoosh like magic he disappears. The Frenchman steps up to the genie and says "i wish i was sitting in a Champs Elysses cafe, drinking a nice 1993 Beajoulais, with 10million euros in the bank", whoosh he disappears. The Irishman steps up, and says "i'm lonely can i have my friends back"
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:52:49 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 0:52:49 GMT 1, good one.
good one.
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 0:57:34 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 0:57:34 GMT 1, the police see 2 kids walking down the road with a Pelican, the police ask the kids "what are you doing with that Pelican" kids say "were taking it to the zoo" the following day the police see the same 2 kids again with the Pelican, they stop the kids and say "thought you were taking that Pelican to the zoo" kids say "were taking it to the cinema today"
the police see 2 kids walking down the road with a Pelican, the police ask the kids "what are you doing with that Pelican" kids say "were taking it to the zoo" the following day the police see the same 2 kids again with the Pelican, they stop the kids and say "thought you were taking that Pelican to the zoo" kids say "were taking it to the cinema today"
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 1:03:06 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 1:03:06 GMT 1, V good Alsbabar and Ronhill!, It takes a few mins (or weeks) to sink into the nut.
V good Alsbabar and Ronhill!, It takes a few mins (or weeks) to sink into the nut.
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 1:16:46 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 1:16:46 GMT 1, Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?.
Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?.
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 1:25:16 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 1:25:16 GMT 1, Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?.
i think you can say cockhead. haha
Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?. i think you can say co ckhead. haha
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 1:30:15 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 1:30:15 GMT 1, Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?. i think you can say co ckhead. haha
Yes! haha, Chaps wife dies you see! so anyhow he buries her in the garden and concretes her in BUT leaves her backside on show, matey comes round and asks why the backside? and chap says "to park my bicycle in it" see?, but heres the funny bit, the chap who told it to me was called Harbour and his wife had not long been passed away and her name was Pearl! haha see? Pearl Harbour! ;D ps. When i clicked on quote i see how you did that Ronhill! v good
Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?. i think you can say co ckhead. haha Yes! haha, Chaps wife dies you see! so anyhow he buries her in the garden and concretes her in BUT leaves her backside on show, matey comes round and asks why the backside? and chap says "to park my bicycle in it" see?, but heres the funny bit, the chap who told it to me was called Harbour and his wife had not long been passed away and her name was Pearl! haha see? Pearl Harbour! ;D ps. When i clicked on quote i see how you did that Ronhill! v good
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 1:30:18 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 1:30:18 GMT 1, Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?. ;D
Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?. ;D
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 1:30:56 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Guest on Sept 10, 2008 1:30:56 GMT 1, i think you can say co ckhead. haha Yes! haha, i do know joke another but cant think of it. ps. When i clicked on quote i see how you did that Ronhill! v good
ssshhh
i think you can say co ckhead. haha Yes! haha, i do know joke another but cant think of it. ps. When i clicked on quote i see how you did that Ronhill! v good ssshhh
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 7:35:32 GMT 1
Jokes!, by paulypaul on Sept 10, 2008 7:35:32 GMT 1, Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?.
Should that not be 'Fuck nose?'
Chap goes to a fancy dress party and turns up as per but with a condom on his nose! chap on door says "What have you come as then?" and chap says" **** head" do you see? (cant put the actual word of course as its the "Willy" word) can i say that?, it may have been With a condom on his head?. Should that not be 'Fu ck nose?'
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 8:39:04 GMT 1
Jokes!, by chav on Sept 10, 2008 8:39:04 GMT 1, wizbong, your a rizla short of a spliff mate....
wizbong, your a rizla short of a spliff mate....
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
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January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 9:22:33 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 9:22:33 GMT 1, wizbong, your a rizla short of a spliff mate....
Thank you .
wizbong, your a rizla short of a spliff mate.... Thank you .
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 11:47:05 GMT 1
Jokes!, by cannaebefannied on Sept 10, 2008 11:47:05 GMT 1, Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock
Who's there ?
Michael J Fox !
Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock
Who's there ?
Michael J Fox !
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Deleted
Posts โข 0
Likes โข
January 1970
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Jokes!
Sept 10, 2008 11:54:18 GMT 1
Jokes!, by Deleted on Sept 10, 2008 11:54:18 GMT 1, Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock Who's there ? Michael J Fox !
This is the little sort that was in Back to the Future yes?, can the person who is asking "Whose there?" not see him as he is in the future? is that it?. haha v good.
Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock Who's there ? Michael J Fox ! This is the little sort that was in Back to the Future yes?, can the person who is asking "Whose there?" not see him as he is in the future? is that it?. haha v good.
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