Thought i would relay my experiences from yesterday- makes for some pretty amusing reading especially for others looking in who did not go through the misery and woe!
sorry to have really dragged on guys but just thought you might like some insight into how it ran!!!!!!!
so Tuesday was all excitement and speculation and putting the finishing touches to our masterplan for a smash and grab on the beautiful new Micallef work - (and it is f**kin beautiful!) -
work tuesday, a light bite and a few beers early night and hit the M6 for london (from manchester) about 2ish
Well of course a few beers turned into a few too many and the early night was sort of earlyish at midnight
- alarm found me in a right deep sleep cycle which had me questioning the beauty and value of Mics prints however i shook it off pulled my jeans on brushed my teeth and woke my partner in this caper
- Jon was none too pleased and moaned he was 'coming down with something' - f**k off your just tired i diagnosed him.
- we checked off our gear or i did as he was asleep - camera, sat nav, blanket, jumper, bag of gear, 5grand cash, keys, wallet, card - into the motor - back out of the motor dump the gear - we need a straight head for this endurance marathon, we took the little car so we could put the hammer down and make up some time
01:58 - leave manchester
we're bombing down the M6 at 120 fully on schedule i see a glint out of the right hand corner of my eye as we pass one of them snidey little police rat holes at the side of the road - s**t
- break hard using gear downchanges to not flag my break lights - sure enough a f**kin T5 motor way monster rocks up behind us - i'm doin 67 and cursing - he tails us for a couple miles then pulls level looks at us - we're dodgy at the best of times and trying to explain that us 2 chancers in a black m4 coupe are art lovers with 6k in cash at this time of the morning isn't looking too plausible - however he seems contented and pulls ahead then off into the nx services
But now i've got the paranoia and the wind up me and i'm cruising at 90 losing valuable time and places in the queue - we approach london and i call the third partner in this saga to get his s**t together and get on the road - see you in Soho at 5 -
4:52
We find Greek st -
s**t the queue's big already - these f**kers have been out there all night! Quick find a park - china town multistory lets go.
Jon - where's the cash - no f**k off i'm not joking where's the cash? - shut up where is it? - no really i haven't got it! - i'd notice a brick of 5k bulging in my pocket! -
s**t s**t s**t
phone the bird - babe wake up quick - i know it's only 5oclock - check the house for money - are you downstairs yet? - hurry!
s**t the bed i left the money on the side - what a f**kin rookie!
It's either cry or improv - we've come too far - lets get in the queue
There's people heading that way - run be first in the queue - we pass a few on the surrounding streets and meet Dom at the back of the line
5:09 - we're queueing and familiarising ourselves with our neighbours - a ginger lad 2 people ahead talks nervously directing his friends to this place - he flaps at about 6 and storms off to meet someone - will he return? nice couple behind us with chairs and thermoses a dodgy looking greek/turk barrow boy 6 people in front who talks constantly on his mobile and looks f**k all interested in art
Get the hot chocolates in bed down and chill
People are waking up chatting trying to keep warm and looking forward to 9 o'clock when the doors open we grab our prints and get back to work in manc for 2ish
we've counted 98 people in front of us so with 180 sets we're well in!
About 8.30 the queue shifts to the other side of the road and it appears there will be some semblance of order from security who tell us to keep right to the edge - a strong pissy odour from 'piss corner' descends over the mob - already the mood is changing and people are grumbling - my team is showing signs of srtain and 2 members have already questioned what they are doing here - i'm keeping them strong and pumped full of hot chocolate
THIS IS THE BACK HALF OF THE QUEUE IT GOES ALL THE WAY TO THE END OF THAT ROAD AND ROUND THE CORNER!
The 'greeks' family have stepped out of their marble clad essex palace and joined him - kids and everything - even his brother and his lad - what strong support from a family! they even brought him a kebab - get that down you greasebucket!
- the first signs that something 'is up' show at 9:30 when the queue does not seem to have moved - 'what takes so long?' 'get in get your prints and f**k off' goes around the crowd
we wait patiently - 11 comes - have we moved? - a quick count shows 110ish in front of us - oh dear - we move a man to the corner of the queue wher it turns on to greek st to make sure no one is pushing in - he reports back there are unidentifieds rolling up to the door and being let straight through by the bouncers - also a few b-list celebs and loud mouthed t**ts who seem friendly with the staff also go straight in... oh dear
11:05ish...
prints are on POW - the f**kers! - can you beleive it!?!? - call the misses please please please leave your meeting and try to sort me one... she may have done of - of course it was mixed messages from POW and we're just not sure! well i'm happy to be in with a chance!
11:30ish...
doorman with the wonky face looks like he's trying to chew his ear but i realise he's actually speaking to someone from the line - the first of the nasty rumours starts to circulate - it appears there have been more prints than specified sent to the states - there were only 600prints here to start... s**t it this is looking dodge!
Strong uproar from behind and questions and statements like 'they cant do this!?! - it said there were 200 sets there has to be they advertised it' - i point out this is laz - they can do what the f**k they like!
Our feet are frwwzing and killing us and we're not assured of a print but we queue on
12:45ish
we've done lunch and are chilling in the queue hoping waiting - 2 big f**kin dodgy lookin bastards from the back of the queue have been bouncing up and down all day checking things out - they look a bit gangster/rude boy and are big as s**t!
One of them comes down under the bridge we are queuing by arguing with some big black tracksuit clad man monster behind him - 'why you bouncing me for?' he shouts 'why you pushing me doen the road? i'll show you now you f**k' - MATE' - his bigger rudeboy mate runs from the back of the queue and bang they're on him - biggy throws a doughball at his face that puts him down - and into me hard! - i'm sizing it up and thinking s**t we're gonna get involved here cos the random guys gone into me andi've pushed him down - i ducked to the side and managed to get around out the way as the 2 queuing rude boys wade in - proper nasty pasting - big boy is down and the other 2 are punching and kicking him constant - 'WHOS THE pu**y NOW YOU f**k' is shouted as the larger of the 2 rude boys stomps on his head - the crucnch and thud is quite sickening!
security is here - the queue has scattered s**tting themselves - the rudeboys are standing back just shouting and insulting big f**k who amazingly climbs to his knees and says 'you's is nothin i'll take ya right now' big boy number 2 sizes up again and takes a swing - he's wrestled back by security
the man monster gets on his phone saying he's calling his boys who are coming down to show them!
great we think - gonna getted sprayed with a f**kin uzi to finish our day off nicely
someone at Laz came out to see the commotion with security - they seperated the parties and the big bloke went off - to get reinforcements - fortunately we didn't see anymore of him - the other 2 who were about 100 people behind us in the queue were escorted into Laz - they left 25minutes laterw ith 4 tubes each! - these 2 had just seriously assaulted and could have killed a man - they scattered the queue and caused chaos! - rewarded by being taken to the front and sold a full set! - unf**kingbelievable!
14:00ish...
getting near the door - 20 odd people in front - the wonky donkey security guard comes out - how many more people want full sets? - we raise our hands - counts 35 odd - great we're in!!! loving it! just got to wait now
14:45 - nearly in - guy from Laz appears and says - RIGHT NO MORE PEACEKEEPERS - WE NOW HAVE EITHER TRIPTYCH SETS OR DIPTYCH SETS ONLY and very limited of these!
f**king great - now we're sweating - people are crying and generally cracking up
Just after this is announced the aforementioned inbred greek family emerges one by one - 2 of this group below 12 years of age - with 4 fuckin prints each! Didn't know they could sell that sort of thing on walthamstow market good luck you greasy fucks!
3:25
I'm in LAZ! ;D ;D ;D- i can see the prints - god Laz have really not made an effort - gallery/shop looks s**t and the prints are just in crap plastic sleeves on the wall... but they look great - really beautiful and i'm really eating previous words the uzi lovers look great - dont know if i'm just talking myself into it but i'm not as impressed and keen on peacekeeper as i thought would be - it's slightly washed out and really just a big pic of a guy with a gun - it's not going up in the lounge or bedroom that's for sure. But the others the Uzi and Min - clever and quirky and beautifully detailed vividly couloured - cheeky - just cool as f**k really!
... that's when the guy from laz comes round again - Right - we have only 7 sets left and he starts counting the line in the shop - i'm number 8...!
s**t your mother - i'm gutted - proper hot flush - cant believe it! however he says he has uzi pair so all is not lost.
Then a celebrity comes in - welsh blonde guy out of notting hill with 2 blokes - one of the guys he's with - full of mouth giving it the big one says he wants a set - the laz guy explains to him people have been waiting 12hours for these he cant really push in - the guy from nottinghill looks really embarrassed and says to leave - the other guy goes behind the counter and speaks with the man at laz
... next thing you know there are now only 6 sets left and the guy in front of me has missed out - he's raging but rather young and shy and doesn't speak up! Wankers!
Laz man asks what i want - i say i wanted the full set but wil take what i can - i get the last minotaur and each uzi lover! - it's not a matching set but who gives a fack?!?! the last minotaur - vlucky!
When i get my prints the numbers of the uzi lovers are not matched - there are 9 other sets left for people that are matched - i ask if i can have one of these as i want to hang them as a set - and matching numbers as we all know just look better... too late i'm told - sorry i cant change it.
i said ' look sweetheart - if you just spent 3grand on prints i think you would want the numbers you wanted - they're right there it makes no difference'
'sorry' she said 'too late - you're lucky to get these at all'!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Having been on the go since 2AM she nearly got both barrels but i was feeling rather broken by the whole day and just accepted the fate of the day and that LAZ are really just a bunch of pricks!
My friend jon is up at last - he has cash for one uzi lover and card for the other - his card is denied - i ask if i can pay for it for him or get the cash - 'NO SORRY - taht would mean you have bought more than one print!'
even though it was for him!!!!!! WANKERS!
WHAT A DAY!
physically and emotionally drained we left laz with our mismatched assortment of mic booty - still loving and much appreciating what we have - but feeling rather violated
£29 parking £8congestion a couple beers then a 5 hour drive home - happy f**kin days - cheers laz - enjoy the million!
sorry to have really dragged on guys but just thought you might like some insight into how it ran!!!!!!!
