A beginners guide to the Nick Walker print release, by killerkellah on Apr 12, 2008 11:16:27 GMT 1, 1. Take the day off work and think you've got there pretty damn early only to be amazed that people have camped out from the night before - sleeping bags and camping chairs the giveaway.

2. Stand in line and feel positive that you have arrived early enough to secure a print - dont worry as the evening progresses this positivity will slowly be eroded.

3. Make idle conversation with some genuinely nice people - however remember these people are also 'the competition'! (there are only 75 of these babies remember)

3a. Conversation will range from everything from Nick Walkers work and how they didnt get a print online in the morning. Fake surprise when someone mentions how much his work sells for on Ebay and of course some talk of previous queing experiences and some mention of that man Banksy.

3b. NEVER say you are purely buying it to stick on Ebay, even though you suspect half of your new friends are doing the same. (see 4)

4. Try and spot the genuine collectors from the ebay flippers - not as easy to do as you'd think.

5. As the afternoon progresses watch as people turn up and say a speculative hello to people they know in the queue ahead of you and then proceed to stay there. This is also know as 'pushing in'.

6. As the numbers begin to grow you will start to witness the 'queue counters'. This is a person or persons who on regular intervals goes along the line counting how many people are in. Feel a sense of relief as you think youve made the 75.

7. Watch as even more people arrive and wonder why no one from the gallery has been out to say hello, offer bottles of water or infact even turned up to open the place!

7a Get people to hold your place in line as you nip off for the toilet / food / coffee run. This is perfectly acceptable behaviour but should always be cleared with your fellow art fans. Its also good decorum offer to get people drinks.

8. Watch people who clearly dont look like art collectors turn up and blatantly push in. They look pretty mean so there isnt any point in saying anything and no one else will either for fear of getting beaten up.

9. As the doors finally open 'the will I wont I', 'was it worth it' fear will start to set in. This is when the concept of standing in a line can go to pieces. The line starts to turn into a crowd and your place starts to disappear.

10. Observe people at the back of the lines faces as they slowly realise they probably wont get one but stay there anyway in the vein hope they might - after all they have been there for hours!

11. Wonder why no one from the gallery has been out to speak to you - except the poor perplexed bouncer who remind people to stand in a line and looks totally confused as to why people would get so worked up by a piece of paper. You only hope he has put one aside for himself.

12. As people start to finally get funelled in, probably in small numbers, you will start to wonder why it takes so damn long to buy one. Here is where someone will explain to you the 'paying by credit card' theory.

Basically it means if everyone is paying by card then each transaction will take approx 3-4 mins, which means of two people are let in at a time then its a minimum waiting time of 8- 10 mins. You get the picture - put simply it means if your 45th in line - you still have alot of waiting to do.

12a Its advisable to ring the bank and tell them you will be spending alot of money today - that way you wont hold things up when your bank rejects your transaction and you have to call them. This will really piss people off. Especially people with a wad of cash.

14. Start to get really impatient the closer you get - your nearly there.

14a Wonder how people who were never ever in the queue come out holding tubes. Assume they are friends of Nick Walker - infact they are not.

15. One of two things will happen now.......I think you know whats coming.

a. You wont get one and will be left wondering why you bothered, where you can go for a pint and why you didnt say anything to the queue pushers.

b. Or your in and you get one!!!! Its a great feeling having that tube under your arm. But if you do get one - dont gloat. There 200 people outside who didnt get one. Dont stand around outside with your new possession - someone might steal it and again - its just gloating. Leave the area immediatley after of course seeing the show.

16. Either way dont forget to come onto the forum and moan / be happy about the whole experience and remember in the words of one well know artist 'its only a bit of painting and decorating'.....

See you there!

Oh and be amazed how fast some of them end up on Ebay......