Urban Art Association

Momo Sissoko's ability to pass a ball

Plenty of magical nights already though Mike, enough to make 5 big ones into the cabinet

Shameful selection, no balance, passion, commitment, courage. Fucking disgraceful. Time for RB to stop messing around with a rotation policy built on energy levels and time to start picking a team based on ability. Sorry, back to the art. Anyone got a Hutch canvas for sale

two lions walking round tesco's. one says to the other "quiet in here today?"

+1 from this schoolboy

I love Doug Stanhope, funny as fuk.

Whats green and eats nuts???















Syphillis

I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought "he's trying to pull a fast one".

So I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?". I said "I've been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin".

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".

But I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

You see my next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter.

So I rang up British Telecom, I said "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".

He said "You remind me of a pepper-pot", I said "I'll take that as a condiment".

Now did you know all male tennis players are witches, for example Goran, even he's a witch.

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

So I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?".

So a lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins, I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here".

A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

Dyslexic man walks into a bra...

A seal walks into a club...

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

* Edit * By Tim Vine it seems?

what's brown and sounds like a bell?














dung!

the barman says "GET OUT... you both came in last night... you were steaming and you were off your head"

Where does Kylie get her kebabs?







Jason's doner van.

'I had a meal last night.
I ordered everything in French, surprised everybody.
It was a Chinese restaurant. I said to this Chinese waiter,
'Look, this chicken I got here is cold.
'He said,
'It should be, it's been dead two weeks.'

I said, 'Not only that. 'I said, I said... I said it twice, I said, 'He's got one leg shorter than the other. '
He said, 'What do you wanna do with it, eat it or dance with it?'

I said, 'Forget the chicken, give me a lobster, and he brought me this lobster.
I said just a minute, he's only got one claw.
'He said 'Well he's been in a fight. '
I said, 'Well give me the winner.'


Tommy Cooper cracks me up ;D

Ha, nice one goaty!

Here's one