BONGO
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,004
👍🏻 11
February 2007
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Tell us a joke... , by BONGO on Oct 5, 2007 14:11:31 GMT 1, FUNNIEST THING BONGO EVER HEARD :
THE PARIS CORNER RULED DEATH BY MISADVENTURE
BONGO CANNOT BELEIVE THAT NO ONE SAW THE ABSURDITY OF THIS STATEMENT
FUNNIEST THING BONGO EVER HEARD :
THE PARIS CORNER RULED DEATH BY MISADVENTURE
BONGO CANNOT BELEIVE THAT NO ONE SAW THE ABSURDITY OF THIS STATEMENT
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Tell us a joke... , by corblimeylimey on Oct 5, 2007 16:38:40 GMT 1, Tommy Cooper.....
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books."
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I Said 'I careered off the road."
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said "well don't go there any more."
I was driving down the motorway with my bird the other day when we both got a bit frisky and decided to do something about it. So we decided we'd take the next exit, but it was a turn-off.
Tommy Cooper.....
"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library. I thought, "That's a turn-up for the books."
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'"
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I Said 'I careered off the road."
"A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'"
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places"
The doctor said "well don't go there any more."
I was driving down the motorway with my bird the other day when we both got a bit frisky and decided to do something about it. So we decided we'd take the next exit, but it was a turn-off.
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Tell us a joke... , by jonpud on Oct 5, 2007 17:28:25 GMT 1, This guy is waking down the street and he passes a guy going the other way who has an orange for a head, he thinks to himself that if he doesn’t ask why this guy has an orange for a head it will annoy him for ever, so he chases after this guy and says " ’scuse me for asking, but why have you got an orange for a head?" "Well the gentleman replies, its a really funny story actually. One day i was walking through town minding my own business and this Genie pops up out of nowhere, and says i can have three wishes. So i thought about it for a while, and for my first wish i asked for £100 million, the genie then clicked his fingers and told me to go and check my bank account and then disappeared. So i went and checked it and low and behold there it was just over £100 million in my account, then the genie pops up again and says ’what is your 2nd wish?’ Not being a very big hit with the ladies I decided to ask for 10 women on call at any hour of the day to fulfil his every sexual need. "Done" says the genie and disappears into thin air, when i got home i was greeted by 10 beautiful women who immidiately ripped my clothes off and begin to pleasure me in ways i never imagined. Later on that day the genie pops once again and says "right, only one more wish left, what will it be?" realising this is my last wish, i thought long and hard and after 20 minutes of silence i said "Can i have an orange for a head?"
2 Days later and I'm still laughing, annoying thing is the joke aint even funny!!  ;D
This guy is waking down the street and he passes a guy going the other way who has an orange for a head, he thinks to himself that if he doesn’t ask why this guy has an orange for a head it will annoy him for ever, so he chases after this guy and says " ’scuse me for asking, but why have you got an orange for a head?" "Well the gentleman replies, its a really funny story actually. One day i was walking through town minding my own business and this Genie pops up out of nowhere, and says i can have three wishes. So i thought about it for a while, and for my first wish i asked for £100 million, the genie then clicked his fingers and told me to go and check my bank account and then disappeared. So i went and checked it and low and behold there it was just over £100 million in my account, then the genie pops up again and says ’what is your 2nd wish?’ Not being a very big hit with the ladies I decided to ask for 10 women on call at any hour of the day to fulfil his every sexual need. "Done" says the genie and disappears into thin air, when i got home i was greeted by 10 beautiful women who immidiately ripped my clothes off and begin to pleasure me in ways i never imagined. Later on that day the genie pops once again and says "right, only one more wish left, what will it be?" realising this is my last wish, i thought long and hard and after 20 minutes of silence i said "Can i have an orange for a head?" 2 Days later and I'm still laughing, annoying thing is the joke aint even funny!! ;D |
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stuey09
New Member
🗨️ 49
👍🏻 1
August 2008
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Tell us a joke... , by stuey09 on Oct 5, 2007 17:31:51 GMT 1, CBL, those Tommy Cooper jokes are priceless. ;D ;D ;D
CBL, those Tommy Cooper jokes are priceless. ;D ;D ;D
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Monkey
New Member
🗨️ 627
👍🏻 4
June 2007
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Tell us a joke... , by Monkey on Oct 5, 2007 19:43:35 GMT 1, ..........erm bit ov an odd post that
..........erm bit ov an odd post that |
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 19:55:28 GMT 1, Rabbitlegs has stole Tim Vine's act.
who stole yours? 
my grandad kept askin the nurses "Are my testicles black?"
embarrased they kept walking away chuckling!
Only when the doctor turned up and told my Grandad to put his false teeth back in was he heard to be saying "Are my test results back?" ;D
Rabbitlegs has stole Tim Vine's act. who stole yours? my grandad kept askin the nurses "Are my testicles black?" embarrased they kept walking away chuckling! Only when the doctor turned up and told my Grandad to put his false teeth back in was he heard to be saying "Are my test results back?" ;D |
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 20:16:54 GMT 1, Jeff the Squid is really struggling to swim in the current with a damaged tenticle..
A huge whale swims along side jeff and offers the little guy a lift..
Nearing the end of journey...They bump into a fearsome shark,
Without a second thought the whale flips the poor Squid toward the shark and says "Here you are Alan...Thats that six quid I owe you"
Terrible I know 
Jeff the Squid is really struggling to swim in the current with a damaged tenticle.. A huge whale swims along side jeff and offers the little guy a lift.. Nearing the end of journey...They bump into a fearsome shark, Without a second thought the whale flips the poor Squid toward the shark and says "Here you are Alan...Thats that six quid I owe you" Terrible I know |
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Tell us a joke... , by numusic on Oct 5, 2007 20:24:11 GMT 1, You sick f**k!!! i hate jokes like that! Sorry to offend, truly....I do have a sick sense of humor and I can definitely separate the real world from the absurd, dark world. I've lost neg points like they're baby teeth. So, to help balance out my evild deed of the day, here is something a tad less grotessque: What's brown and sticky? A stick.
doomed, you're doomed 
You sick f**k!!! i hate jokes like that! Sorry to offend, truly....I do have a sick sense of humor and I can definitely separate the real world from the absurd, dark world. I've lost neg points like they're baby teeth. So, to help balance out my evild deed of the day, here is something a tad less grotessque: What's brown and sticky? A stick. doomed, you're doomed |
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Tell us a joke... , by rob123rob on Oct 5, 2007 20:27:20 GMT 1, Its just funny how on a thread called, tell us a joke, you make a joke (which is admittedly, and very definitely in very bad taste) and people neg away....the name of this thread should be...tell us a joke, you know, one that would make my mum have a giggle..
Its just funny how on a thread called, tell us a joke, you make a joke (which is admittedly, and very definitely in very bad taste) and people neg away....the name of this thread should be...tell us a joke, you know, one that would make my mum have a giggle..
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 20:31:57 GMT 1, Just run the funnyside of paedophillia by me again. *EDIT* Cause I dont think its funny
and no I aint negged you either...a joke is a joke to me! Takes more than that to rattle my cage.
However it is a public forum and I usually try and bear that in mind...
Just run the funnyside of paedophillia by me again. *EDIT* Cause I dont think its funny and no I aint negged you either...a joke is a joke to me! Takes more than that to rattle my cage. However it is a public forum and I usually try and bear that in mind... |
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Tell us a joke... , by iwouldfollow youanywhere on Oct 5, 2007 20:34:32 GMT 1, I was going to say..is kiddy-fiddling funny?chris morris had a hard time making it amusing,and mate,you are no chris morris!
I was going to say..is kiddy-fiddling funny?chris morris had a hard time making it amusing,and mate,you are no chris morris!
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Tell us a joke... , by lesbianwednesdays on Oct 5, 2007 20:35:22 GMT 1, Just run the funnyside of paedophillia by me again.
you idiot! it's right there, next to racism.
Just run the funnyside of paedophillia by me again. you idiot! it's right there, next to racism. |
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 20:38:12 GMT 1, Just run the funnyside of paedophillia by me again. you idiot! it's right there, next to racism.
who woke you up I know that and thats what I was trying to explain 
Just run the funnyside of paedophillia by me again. you idiot! it's right there, next to racism. who woke you up I know that and thats what I was trying to explain |
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Tell us a joke... , by lesbianwednesdays on Oct 5, 2007 20:38:44 GMT 1, I was going to say..is kiddy-fiddling funny?chris morris had a hard time making it amusing,and mate,you are no chris morris!
chris morris was actually making a parody of the sensationalism that surrounds paedophilia and took it all totally out of context, the mass media he was have a dig at then rounded on him and called him sick for attempting to find a laugh in child sex. the irony was not lost on me.
that said, i take your point.
I was going to say..is kiddy-fiddling funny?chris morris had a hard time making it amusing,and mate,you are no chris morris! chris morris was actually making a parody of the sensationalism that surrounds paedophilia and took it all totally out of context, the mass media he was have a dig at then rounded on him and called him sick for attempting to find a laugh in child sex. the irony was not lost on me. that said, i take your point. |
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Tell us a joke... , by rob123rob on Oct 5, 2007 20:39:08 GMT 1, Wow. All the racist jokes are cool, right, and the joke about the person getting raped is cool, but this is a public forum, how dare I? Real paedophillia is not funny. But a joke, when not based on a real event...can be funny, as long as you can hear it from up on your pedastal.
Wow. All the racist jokes are cool, right, and the joke about the person getting raped is cool, but this is a public forum, how dare I? Real paedophillia is not funny. But a joke, when not based on a real event...can be funny, as long as you can hear it from up on your pedastal.
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Tell us a joke... , by rob123rob on Oct 5, 2007 20:41:04 GMT 1, And the reason why I find paedophillia jokes funny: because it's the las taboo, it's the last thing in this totally de-sensitized world that still makes people quiver, makes them step back when you say it.....really, there's very little left that can be said to offend anyono now a days
And the reason why I find paedophillia jokes funny: because it's the las taboo, it's the last thing in this totally de-sensitized world that still makes people quiver, makes them step back when you say it.....really, there's very little left that can be said to offend anyono now a days
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 20:45:37 GMT 1, And the reason why I find paedophillia jokes funny: because it's the las taboo, it's the last thing in this totally de-sensitized world that still makes people quiver, makes them step back when you say it.....really, there's very little left that can be said to offend anyono now a days
You dont have to say anything if your Danish...Just draw a few cartoons and you can offend Millions ;D
And the reason why I find paedophillia jokes funny: because it's the las taboo, it's the last thing in this totally de-sensitized world that still makes people quiver, makes them step back when you say it.....really, there's very little left that can be said to offend anyono now a days You dont have to say anything if your Danish...Just draw a few cartoons and you can offend Millions ;D |
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Tell us a joke... , by lesbianwednesdays on Oct 5, 2007 20:47:55 GMT 1, Wow. All the racist jokes are cool, right, and the joke about the person getting raped is cool, but this is a public forum, how dare I? Real paedophillia is not funny. But a joke, when not based on a real event...can be funny, as long as you can hear it from up on your pedastal.
robert it's just the same as saying that joke at a bus stop or a train station and wondering why you got the sh*t kicked out of you? you and your friends may know you and the context in which your joke is said but when words are written, detatched from any human delivery to people who don't necessarily know you then it's a bit rich not to expect them to be misconstrued.
how you mean them and how others hear them can be two completely different things. in writing words can be pretty black and white, unambiguous.
perhaps in retrespect you can see how you may have caused just a little offence? jokes about michael jackson and young boys are ten a penny but then he is the butt of the joke.
as any good comic will tell you: know your audience.
Wow. All the racist jokes are cool, right, and the joke about the person getting raped is cool, but this is a public forum, how dare I? Real paedophillia is not funny. But a joke, when not based on a real event...can be funny, as long as you can hear it from up on your pedastal. robert it's just the same as saying that joke at a bus stop or a train station and wondering why you got the sh*t kicked out of you? you and your friends may know you and the context in which your joke is said but when words are written, detatched from any human delivery to people who don't necessarily know you then it's a bit rich not to expect them to be misconstrued. how you mean them and how others hear them can be two completely different things. in writing words can be pretty black and white, unambiguous. perhaps in retrespect you can see how you may have caused just a little offence? jokes about michael jackson and young boys are ten a penny but then he is the butt of the joke. as any good comic will tell you: know your audience. |
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Tell us a joke... , by rob123rob on Oct 5, 2007 20:50:48 GMT 1, I agree rudeboyrupert, so thats why I said sorry to offend....but none of us really know our "audience" on here....and come on, this isn't a Faith Studies forum, this is a Banksy street art forum...let's not pretend that we are all singing we are the world and knitting sweaters for the kids in Darfur right now. It's a joke, hide your children, life goes on
I agree rudeboyrupert, so thats why I said sorry to offend....but none of us really know our "audience" on here....and come on, this isn't a Faith Studies forum, this is a Banksy street art forum...let's not pretend that we are all singing we are the world and knitting sweaters for the kids in Darfur right now. It's a joke, hide your children, life goes on
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Tell us a joke... , by lesbianwednesdays on Oct 5, 2007 20:55:07 GMT 1, I agree rudeboyrupert, so thats why I said sorry to offend....but none of us really know our "audience" on here....and come on, this isn't a Faith Studies forum, this is a Banksy street art forum...let's not pretend that we are all singing we are the world and knitting sweaters for the kids in Darfur right now. It's a joke, hide your children, life goes on
see, now that made me laugh. "we are the world,...................." ;D
shall we move on?
I agree rudeboyrupert, so thats why I said sorry to offend....but none of us really know our "audience" on here....and come on, this isn't a Faith Studies forum, this is a Banksy street art forum...let's not pretend that we are all singing we are the world and knitting sweaters for the kids in Darfur right now. It's a joke, hide your children, life goes on see, now that made me laugh. "we are the world,...................." ;D shall we move on? |
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Tell us a joke... , by rob123rob on Oct 5, 2007 20:55:26 GMT 1, yes, lets
yes, lets
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Tell us a joke... , by veralynn on Oct 5, 2007 20:55:37 GMT 1, One day, Tony Blair was sitting in his chair, in charge of the world, when Cherie walked into the room with a smile that like Garfield. Tony says 'What the fuck are you looking so happy about?' - Cherie responds, 'I've just been to the doctors and he just said I have the breasts of a 21 yr old'
Tone says 'Oh yeah - what did he say about your 50 year old arse then?' to which Cherie replied, 'Sry Tone, he didnt mention you at all.....' boom boom,,,,?
One day, Tony Blair was sitting in his chair, in charge of the world, when Cherie walked into the room with a smile that like Garfield. Tony says 'What the fuck are you looking so happy about?' - Cherie responds, 'I've just been to the doctors and he just said I have the breasts of a 21 yr old'
Tone says 'Oh yeah - what did he say about your 50 year old arse then?' to which Cherie replied, 'Sry Tone, he didnt mention you at all.....' boom boom,,,,?
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 21:02:33 GMT 1, Police station toilet stolen.......Cops have nothing to go on!
Police station toilet stolen.......Cops have nothing to go on!
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Tell us a joke... , by corblimeylimey on Oct 5, 2007 21:04:46 GMT 1, Police station toilet stolen.......Cops have nothing to go on!
Follow up....
There's a big hole on the M1, police are looking into it.
Police station toilet stolen.......Cops have nothing to go on! Follow up.... There's a big hole on the M1, police are looking into it. |
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Tell us a joke... , by corblimeylimey on Oct 5, 2007 21:05:29 GMT 1, When did Pinnochio first realise he was made of wood?
When he had a wank............and his fuckin' hand caught fire.
When did Pinnochio first realise he was made of wood?
When he had a wank............and his fuckin' hand caught fire.
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Tell us a joke... , by corblimeylimey on Oct 5, 2007 21:08:24 GMT 1, Religous folks look away now
Why is the Bible like a penis?
You get it forced down your throat by a priest.
Religous folks look away now
Why is the Bible like a penis?
You get it forced down your throat by a priest.
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Tell us a joke... , by mydeaddogwontwoof on Oct 5, 2007 21:10:05 GMT 1, Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
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Tell us a joke... , by corblimeylimey on Oct 5, 2007 21:15:03 GMT 1, Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.
His wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
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Tell us a joke... , by Rabbitlegs on Oct 5, 2007 21:18:26 GMT 1, Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
Quality CBL
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache." Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep." Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep." Quality CBL |
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Tell us a joke... , by corblimeylimey on Oct 5, 2007 21:21:22 GMT 1, Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "suspicious car"
Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.
Liverpool airport has been shut for the past 8 hours due to a "suspicious car"
Apparently it had tax, insurance and the radio was still in it.
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;D
