What's green, slimey & smells of pork?

Kermits fingers.

whoops hit wrong button

Andrew Lawrence: I really admire these phone hackers. Think they have a lot of patience.

I can't be bothered to listen to my own messages

There's two fish in a tank.
One say's to the other


Do you know how to drive this thing?

so far you guys are horrible joke tellers, just sayin'...

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. (Henny Youngman)

ok, i guess i fit right in here... ;D let's bring it up...

A trucker goes to a whorehouse and hands the madam 500$ and says "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich. The madam says for that kind of money you can have one of the finest girls and surf and turf..He tells her "Im not horny "Im homesick

fingerz I take great exception to this joke about my homeland Ireland...........................we do not do summer just pissing rain....... ;D

come on... at least one good 'yo momma' joke out there, no?

des, you gotta work on the jokes, dude... just sayin...
;D

Bloke walking down the street raring a case of beer

His mate see's him and says " watch a carrying that case of beer for"

He says " got it for the wife"

His mate replies " wow great trade"

johnny - what are you doing? we got a crazy storm outside and you're telling lousy jokes - cut it out! - dude, bring up the jokes - just sayin'... ;D

Hey boaty. Lead the way mate. Let's get one from you!!!!!!

Implements of Math Destruction

At New York's Kennedy airport today an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

The Attorney General believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a very fearsome cult, indeed", the Attorney General said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on a tangent in a search of absolute value. They consist of quite shadowy figures, with names like "x" and "y", and, although they are frequently referred to as "unknowns", we know they really belong to a common denominator and are part of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

"As the great Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are three sides to every triangle." When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."


forgive me, it's google's fault... we're going to rest now - the backyard furniture is safe...

lol- you're a fighter, johnny- i can see it...

that made me smile, j...