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curiousgeorge
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 5,833
๐๐ป 1,091
March 2007
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Joke of the day, by curiousgeorge on Sept 9, 2011 18:40:37 GMT 1, Not a joke as such... Open Google Maps (directions) 2: Type China as your starting point 3: Type Taiwan as your destination. Click "Get Directions " 4: Read step 56 But funny all the same !
Not a joke as such... Open Google Maps (directions) 2: Type China as your starting point 3: Type Taiwan as your destination. Click "Get Directions " 4: Read step 56 But funny all the same ! |
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mmmike
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 2,421
๐๐ป 759
March 2010
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Joke of the day, by mmmike on Sept 9, 2011 18:41:24 GMT 1, This email exchange is pretty funny.....  [glow=red,2,300] From: David Thorne Date: Sunday 8 November 2009 2.16pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: DVDs Dear Megan, Thank you for your letter regarding overdue fees. As all four movies were outstanding examples of modern cinematic masterpieces, your assumption that I would wish to retain them in my possession is understandable, but incorrect. Please check your records as these movies were returned, on time, over three weeks ago. I remember specifically driving there and having my offspring run them in due to the fact that I was wearing shorts and did not want the girl behind the counter to see my white hairy legs. Regards, David. [/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.09am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: DVDs Hi David Our computer system indicates otherwise. Please recheck and get back to me. Kind regards, Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.36am To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, Yes, they are definitely white and hairy. Viewed from the knees down, the similarity to two large albino caterpillars in parallel formation is frightening. People who knew what the word meant might describe them as 'piliferous', although there is something quite sexy about that word so perhaps they wouldn't. Regards, David. [/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Monday 9 November 2009 1.44pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Hi David No I mean our records indicate that the DVDs have not been returned. Please check and return as soon as possible. Kind regards, Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Monday 9 November 2009 4.19pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, With the possible exception of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, the movies were not worth watching let alone stealing. In Logan's Run, for example, the computer crashed at the end when presented with conflicting facts and blew up destroying the entire city. When my computer crashes I carry on a little bit and have a cigarette while it is rebooting. I don't have to search through rubble for my loved ones. The same programmers probably designed the Blockbuster 'returned or not' database. Also, while one would assume the title Journey to the Centre of the Earth to be a metaphor, the movie was actually set in the centre of the earth which, being a solid core of iron with temperatures exceeding 4300ยฐ Celcius and pressures of 3900 tons per square centimetre, does not seem very likely. Waterworld was actually pretty good though. My favourite bit was when they were on the water but the scene when Kevin Costner negotiated for peace, ending the war between fish and mankind moments before the whale army attacked was also very good. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 3.57pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs David The DVDs are listed as not returned. If you cant locate the DVDs, you will be charged for the replacement cost. Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 5.12pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, I have checked pricing at the DVD Warehouse and the cost of replacing your lost movies with new ones is as follows: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay $7.95 Waterworld $4.95 Journey to the Centre of the Earth $9.95 Logan's Run $12.95 I have no idea why Logan's Run is the most expensive of the four movies as it was definitely the worst. Have you seen it? I wouldn't pay $12.95 for that. I would use the money to buy a good movie instead. Probably something with Steven Seagal in it. The entire premise comprised of living a utopian and carefree lifestyle with only three drawbacks - wearing seventies jumpsuits, living in what looks like a giant shopping centre and not being allowed to live past thirty. This would seem logical though as I would not want a bunch of old people hanging around complaining about their arthritis while I am trying to relax at the shopping centre in my jumpsuit trying not to think about the computer crashing. I was recently forced to do volunteer work at an aged care hospital. Footage of these people during Tuesday night line dancing could be used as an advertisement for the Logan's Run solution. The only good aspect of working there was that I halved their medication, pocketing and selling the remainder, explaining the computer listed that as their dose and they were welcome to check knowing their abject fear of anything produced after the eighteenth century would prevent them from doing so. I also swapped my Sanyo fourteen inch portable television for their Panasonic wide screen plasma while they were sleeping, explaining that it had always been that way and their senility was simply playing up due to the reduced dosage of drugs. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 1.21pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Hi David I have not seen those movies so I dont know what you are talking about. I prefer romantic comedies. If you have the movies we can't rent them so we lose money and the fees are based on what we we would have made from renting them and we also have to purchase movies through our suppliers not from DVD Warehouse. Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 3.28pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, I myself am also a huge fan of romantic comedies. Perhaps we could watch one together. I have a new Panasonic wide screen plasma. My favourite romantic comedy is Fatal Instinct although it did not contain enough robots or explosions in my opinion and I was therefore unable to truly identify with the main characters on a personal and emotional level. Recently, I was tricked into watching The Notebook which was about geese. Lots of geese. It also had something to do with an old lady who conveniently lost her memory so she could not remember being a whore throughout the entire film. I don't recall a lot of it as I was too busy being cross about watching it. In a utopian future society she would have been hunted down and killed at thirty. In regards to the late fees, I understand the amount is based on what you lose by not being able to rent the movies out. You probably had people lined up around the block waiting to rent Logan's Run. For eighty two dollars though, I could have purchased six copies of it from DVD Warehouse or, as I have heard he is a bit strapped for cash, had Kevin Costner visit my house in person and re-enact key scenes from Waterworld in my bathroom. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 3.16pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Hi David. Restocking fees are: 002190382 Journey to the Centre of the Earth $9.30 003103119 Logans Run $7.90 008629103 Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay $6.30 000721082 Waterworld $5.70 Total: $29.20 - I have deleted your late fees and noted on the computer that the amount owed is for the replacement movies not fees. Kind regards, Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 7.42pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, Those prices seem reasonable. I do not want Logan's Run but will pick up the other three when I come in next. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Friday 13 November 2009 12.51pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs What? The $29.20 is the cost of the replacement DVDs for the store. Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Friday 13 November 2009 1.15pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, That makes more sense, I was wondering what I was going to do with two copies of each movie. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.33pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs What do you mean by two copies? Are you saying you found the four movies? Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.57pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, Yes, they were on top of my fridge the whole time. Unfortunately I have a blind spot that prevents me from seeing this area of the kitchen as it is also where I keep my pile of unpaid bills. Last night I slept on the kitchen floor with the fridge door open due to my air conditioner being broken and the temperature outside exceeding that of the centre of the earth. As my fridge emits a high pitched 'beep' every thirty seconds when left open, the vibrations from this caused the DVDs to wriggle forward over the space of many hours before toppling from the edge and I awoke to find them beside me on the pillow. As you have already waived the late fees, I will drop them off tonight and we will call it even. Regards, David.[/glow]
That made me laugh so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes.
This email exchange is pretty funny..... [glow=red,2,300] From: David Thorne Date: Sunday 8 November 2009 2.16pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: DVDs Dear Megan, Thank you for your letter regarding overdue fees. As all four movies were outstanding examples of modern cinematic masterpieces, your assumption that I would wish to retain them in my possession is understandable, but incorrect. Please check your records as these movies were returned, on time, over three weeks ago. I remember specifically driving there and having my offspring run them in due to the fact that I was wearing shorts and did not want the girl behind the counter to see my white hairy legs. Regards, David. [/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.09am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: DVDs Hi David Our computer system indicates otherwise. Please recheck and get back to me. Kind regards, Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Monday 9 November 2009 11.36am To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, Yes, they are definitely white and hairy. Viewed from the knees down, the similarity to two large albino caterpillars in parallel formation is frightening. People who knew what the word meant might describe them as 'piliferous', although there is something quite sexy about that word so perhaps they wouldn't. Regards, David. [/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Monday 9 November 2009 1.44pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Hi David No I mean our records indicate that the DVDs have not been returned. Please check and return as soon as possible. Kind regards, Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Monday 9 November 2009 4.19pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, With the possible exception of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay, the movies were not worth watching let alone stealing. In Logan's Run, for example, the computer crashed at the end when presented with conflicting facts and blew up destroying the entire city. When my computer crashes I carry on a little bit and have a cigarette while it is rebooting. I don't have to search through rubble for my loved ones. The same programmers probably designed the Blockbuster 'returned or not' database. Also, while one would assume the title Journey to the Centre of the Earth to be a metaphor, the movie was actually set in the centre of the earth which, being a solid core of iron with temperatures exceeding 4300ยฐ Celcius and pressures of 3900 tons per square centimetre, does not seem very likely. Waterworld was actually pretty good though. My favourite bit was when they were on the water but the scene when Kevin Costner negotiated for peace, ending the war between fish and mankind moments before the whale army attacked was also very good. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 3.57pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs David The DVDs are listed as not returned. If you cant locate the DVDs, you will be charged for the replacement cost. Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Tuesday 10 November 2009 5.12pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, I have checked pricing at the DVD Warehouse and the cost of replacing your lost movies with new ones is as follows: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay $7.95 Waterworld $4.95 Journey to the Centre of the Earth $9.95 Logan's Run $12.95 I have no idea why Logan's Run is the most expensive of the four movies as it was definitely the worst. Have you seen it? I wouldn't pay $12.95 for that. I would use the money to buy a good movie instead. Probably something with Steven Seagal in it. The entire premise comprised of living a utopian and carefree lifestyle with only three drawbacks - wearing seventies jumpsuits, living in what looks like a giant shopping centre and not being allowed to live past thirty. This would seem logical though as I would not want a bunch of old people hanging around complaining about their arthritis while I am trying to relax at the shopping centre in my jumpsuit trying not to think about the computer crashing. I was recently forced to do volunteer work at an aged care hospital. Footage of these people during Tuesday night line dancing could be used as an advertisement for the Logan's Run solution. The only good aspect of working there was that I halved their medication, pocketing and selling the remainder, explaining the computer listed that as their dose and they were welcome to check knowing their abject fear of anything produced after the eighteenth century would prevent them from doing so. I also swapped my Sanyo fourteen inch portable television for their Panasonic wide screen plasma while they were sleeping, explaining that it had always been that way and their senility was simply playing up due to the reduced dosage of drugs. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 1.21pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Hi David I have not seen those movies so I dont know what you are talking about. I prefer romantic comedies. If you have the movies we can't rent them so we lose money and the fees are based on what we we would have made from renting them and we also have to purchase movies through our suppliers not from DVD Warehouse. Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 11 November 2009 3.28pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, I myself am also a huge fan of romantic comedies. Perhaps we could watch one together. I have a new Panasonic wide screen plasma. My favourite romantic comedy is Fatal Instinct although it did not contain enough robots or explosions in my opinion and I was therefore unable to truly identify with the main characters on a personal and emotional level. Recently, I was tricked into watching The Notebook which was about geese. Lots of geese. It also had something to do with an old lady who conveniently lost her memory so she could not remember being a whore throughout the entire film. I don't recall a lot of it as I was too busy being cross about watching it. In a utopian future society she would have been hunted down and killed at thirty. In regards to the late fees, I understand the amount is based on what you lose by not being able to rent the movies out. You probably had people lined up around the block waiting to rent Logan's Run. For eighty two dollars though, I could have purchased six copies of it from DVD Warehouse or, as I have heard he is a bit strapped for cash, had Kevin Costner visit my house in person and re-enact key scenes from Waterworld in my bathroom. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 3.16pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Hi David. Restocking fees are: 002190382 Journey to the Centre of the Earth $9.30 003103119 Logans Run $7.90 008629103 Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay $6.30 000721082 Waterworld $5.70 Total: $29.20 - I have deleted your late fees and noted on the computer that the amount owed is for the replacement movies not fees. Kind regards, Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 12 November 2009 7.42pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, Those prices seem reasonable. I do not want Logan's Run but will pick up the other three when I come in next. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Friday 13 November 2009 12.51pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs What? The $29.20 is the cost of the replacement DVDs for the store. Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Friday 13 November 2009 1.15pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, That makes more sense, I was wondering what I was going to do with two copies of each movie. Regards, David.[/glow] From: Megan Roberts Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.33pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs What do you mean by two copies? Are you saying you found the four movies? Megan [glow=red,2,300]From: David Thorne Date: Friday 13 November 2009 2.57pm To: Megan Roberts Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: DVDs Dear Megan, Yes, they were on top of my fridge the whole time. Unfortunately I have a blind spot that prevents me from seeing this area of the kitchen as it is also where I keep my pile of unpaid bills. Last night I slept on the kitchen floor with the fridge door open due to my air conditioner being broken and the temperature outside exceeding that of the centre of the earth. As my fridge emits a high pitched 'beep' every thirty seconds when left open, the vibrations from this caused the DVDs to wriggle forward over the space of many hours before toppling from the edge and I awoke to find them beside me on the pillow. As you have already waived the late fees, I will drop them off tonight and we will call it even. Regards, David.[/glow] That made me laugh so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes. |
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Joke of the day, by boatyb on Sept 9, 2011 18:43:44 GMT 1, ;D  ;D
;D ;D |
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Joke of the day, by fingerz on Sept 15, 2011 17:50:09 GMT 1, A mad scientist broke into my bedroom last nite + cloned me. !
when i woke up i was beside myself
A mad scientist broke into my bedroom last nite + cloned me. !
when i woke up i was beside myself
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Sept 16, 2011 7:54:08 GMT 1,
Like that one Fingerz
Laid in bed with the wife I looked in her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery."
With a smile she said "Because I'm worth millions to you?"
"No" I said
"I wish you'd f#+kin roll over."
Like that one Fingerz
Laid in bed with the wife I looked in her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery."
With a smile she said "Because I'm worth millions to you?"
"No" I said
"I wish you'd f#+kin roll over."
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Deleted
๐จ๏ธ 0
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January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Sept 16, 2011 23:18:57 GMT 1, This was posted on Facebook
This was posted on Facebook
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Joke of the day, by fingerz on Sept 21, 2011 14:24:45 GMT 1, Like that one Fingerz Laid in bed with the wife I looked in her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery." With a smile she said "Because I'm worth millions to you?" "No" I said "I wish you'd f#+kin roll over."
lol ..... ;D
I got really emotional at the petrol station this morning, i dont know why but i just started filling up
Like that one Fingerz Laid in bed with the wife I looked in her eyes and said "seeing your face reminds me of the lottery." With a smile she said "Because I'm worth millions to you?" "No" I said "I wish you'd f#+kin roll over." lol ..... ;D I got really emotional at the petrol station this morning, i dont know why but i just started filling up |
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Joke of the day, by maumau93 on Sept 21, 2011 14:58:02 GMT 1, This was posted on Facebook
i was actually laughing at that its quality!!
This was posted on Facebook i was actually laughing at that its quality!! |
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ยฉhief'
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,079
๐๐ป 47
October 2006
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Joke of the day, by ยฉhief' on Oct 12, 2011 15:27:10 GMT 1, I took the shell off a snail the other day to make it go faster, but it just looked more sluggish
I took the shell off a snail the other day to make it go faster, but it just looked more sluggish
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 12, 2011 16:20:30 GMT 1, Well done Chief good to see joke of day back
Treated my wife to one of those fish pedicures the other day.
Really pleased with the result!!!
Those piranhas don't F&@k about
Well done Chief good to see joke of day back
Treated my wife to one of those fish pedicures the other day.
Really pleased with the result!!!
Those piranhas don't F&@k about
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Hubble Bubble
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,116
๐๐ป 3,566
December 2010
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Joke of the day, by Hubble Bubble on Oct 12, 2011 16:44:55 GMT 1, After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, .......
(wait for it!!!!)
"but his face rings a bell."
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. Pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side..
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but...
( .. . . Here it comes . . . )
"He's a dead ringer for his brother".
After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the Cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed.
The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he had decided to call it a day.
Just then, an armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job.
The bishop was incredulous.
"You have no arms!"
"No matter," said the man. "Observe!"
And he began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment; convinced he had finally found a replacement for Quasimodo.
But suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below.
The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.
As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked,
"Bishop, who was this man?"
"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, .......
(wait for it!!!!)
"but his face rings a bell."
WAIT! WAIT! There's more . . .
The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame.
The first man to approach him said, Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. Pray that you honour his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty.
The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and, as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest, twirled around, and died on the spot.
Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side..
"What has happened? Who is this man?" the first monk asked.
"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, but...
( .. . . Here it comes . . . )
"He's a dead ringer for his brother".
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Joke of the day, by boatyy on Oct 12, 2011 16:57:34 GMT 1, that joke made me think...
made me remember, i know what i know;
what i don't know, i don't know...
behave hubble!
that joke made me think...
made me remember, i know what i know;
what i don't know, i don't know...
behave hubble!
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Hubble Bubble
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,116
๐๐ป 3,566
December 2010
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Joke of the day, by Hubble Bubble on Oct 12, 2011 18:30:39 GMT 1, ^^ Boaty. I truly have no idea what on earth you are talking about. But it makes me smile that I don't and that has to be good on this thread, doesn't it? 
Thanks goodness for the above post... when I saw your name I thought I'd fallen foul of your child protection norms again!!!
Peace and love...
HB
^^ Boaty. I truly have no idea what on earth you are talking about. But it makes me smile that I don't and that has to be good on this thread, doesn't it? Thanks goodness for the above post... when I saw your name I thought I'd fallen foul of your child protection norms again!!! Peace and love... HB |
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 12, 2011 19:29:00 GMT 1, HubbleBubble get off this thread that is a long winded disgrace --- as they say in the trade Hubble your FIRED. Now get out
Ice cream van pulled up outside the house went it said any flavor you like. To test him I said "Vag@na flavor please"
Got it and said "this tastes like Sh&t." ----" he said take shorter licks "
That's better !!!!!
HubbleBubble get off this thread that is a long winded disgrace --- as they say in the trade Hubble your FIRED. Now get out
Ice cream van pulled up outside the house went it said any flavor you like. To test him I said "Vag@na flavor please"
Got it and said "this tastes like Sh&t." ----" he said take shorter licks "
That's better !!!!!
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Hubble Bubble
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,116
๐๐ป 3,566
December 2010
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Joke of the day, by Hubble Bubble on Oct 13, 2011 9:36:40 GMT 1, ^^ LOL... fair cop, Johnny.
How about this then:
A woman walks into a bar. Barman says "What can I get you?" She says "I'd like a double entendre, please." So he gave her one.
^^ LOL... fair cop, Johnny.
How about this then:
A woman walks into a bar. Barman says "What can I get you?" She says "I'd like a double entendre, please." So he gave her one.
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 13, 2011 12:10:35 GMT 1, That's better Hubble mate!!!
That's better Hubble mate!!!
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ยฉhief'
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,079
๐๐ป 47
October 2006
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Joke of the day, by ยฉhief' on Oct 13, 2011 13:23:26 GMT 1, The wife found me rooting through the back of the wardrobe last night.
"What are you doing?" she asked
"Narnia business" I replied
The wife found me rooting through the back of the wardrobe last night.
"What are you doing?" she asked
"Narnia business" I replied
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 13, 2011 14:39:03 GMT 1, LOL def joke of the week that one Chief top stuff.
Bloke and his wife in bed about 3pm the morning suddenly there's a massive banging on the front door.
Husband goes down to see what it is. Drunk bloke in the rain who says " can I get a push."
Husband says it's 3 am now f'off
Goes up stairs and the wife says "who was it?"
He say just some drunk who wanted a push so told him to "F'off"
She says "honey that's mean when we broke down those two really nice guys helped us fix the car. We would haven stranded"
"ok ok" he says and goes down stairs.
Goes out into the rain and dark can't see a thing so calls out " you still here I'll give you a push"
"yes great" comes back from the drunk
" Where are you " the husband shouts
"On the swing" the drunk replies
LOL def joke of the week that one Chief top stuff.
Bloke and his wife in bed about 3pm the morning suddenly there's a massive banging on the front door.
Husband goes down to see what it is. Drunk bloke in the rain who says " can I get a push."
Husband says it's 3 am now f'off
Goes up stairs and the wife says "who was it?"
He say just some drunk who wanted a push so told him to "F'off"
She says "honey that's mean when we broke down those two really nice guys helped us fix the car. We would haven stranded"
"ok ok" he says and goes down stairs.
Goes out into the rain and dark can't see a thing so calls out " you still here I'll give you a push"
"yes great" comes back from the drunk
" Where are you " the husband shouts
"On the swing" the drunk replies
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 15, 2011 12:31:05 GMT 1, Just got sacked from my job at the orange juice factory
Couldn't concentrate !!!!
Just got sacked from my job at the orange juice factory
Couldn't concentrate !!!!
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balibob
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,782
๐๐ป 326
November 2010
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Joke of the day, by balibob on Oct 15, 2011 12:58:19 GMT 1, An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says ''This is this a joke right?
An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman says ''This is this a joke right?
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balibob
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,782
๐๐ป 326
November 2010
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Joke of the day, by balibob on Oct 15, 2011 13:00:38 GMT 1, Curtesy of my 15yo Daughter:
Bought an ipad - Steve Jobs died
Bought a Blackberry - BBM died
Just off to buy a copy of Katie Prices autobiography.
Curtesy of my 15yo Daughter:
Bought an ipad - Steve Jobs died
Bought a Blackberry - BBM died
Just off to buy a copy of Katie Prices autobiography.
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 15, 2011 19:12:25 GMT 1, Good luck with the hat trick!!!! Bali
Good luck with the hat trick!!!! Bali
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Joke of the day, by fingerz on Oct 16, 2011 8:18:46 GMT 1, I bet they tried lots of different ways to crucify jesus before they finally nailed it !!!
I bet they tried lots of different ways to crucify jesus before they finally nailed it !!!
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Deleted
๐จ๏ธ 0
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January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Oct 16, 2011 19:30:32 GMT 1, An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to docks once more for old times sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her to a room. He's going at it as best he can for a guy his age. The old sailor asks "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies "Well Sailor you're doing about 3 knots." "3 knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?" She says "Your knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back!"
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to docks once more for old times sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her to a room. He's going at it as best he can for a guy his age. The old sailor asks "How am I doing?" The prostitute replies "Well Sailor you're doing about 3 knots." "3 knots?" he replies, "What's that supposed to mean?" She says "Your knot hard, you're knot in, and you're knot getting your money back!"
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trapnel1
New Member
๐จ๏ธ 664
๐๐ป 460
September 2008
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Joke of the day, by trapnel1 on Oct 16, 2011 20:47:28 GMT 1, Bartender says "We don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos in here."
A neutrino walks into a bar.
Bartender says "We don't serve faster-than-light neutrinos in here."
A neutrino walks into a bar.
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Joke of the day, by fingerz on Oct 16, 2011 21:00:23 GMT 1, The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas
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Joke of the day, by fingerz on Oct 17, 2011 12:18:46 GMT 1, 
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illu
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 1,850
๐๐ป 367
December 2009
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Joke of the day, by illu on Oct 17, 2011 13:03:02 GMT 1, The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas
Trust them..... ;D
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas Trust them..... ;D |
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johnnyh
Junior Member
๐จ๏ธ 4,492
๐๐ป 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Oct 18, 2011 8:43:51 GMT 1,
Gutted - Thought my beautiful and hot new girlfriend might be "THE ONE"
However after looking through her drawers and finding a Nurses outfit, School Teachers outfit, a French Maids outfit and a Police Uniform I got rid of her
She obviously can't hold a job down !!!!!
Gutted - Thought my beautiful and hot new girlfriend might be "THE ONE"
However after looking through her drawers and finding a Nurses outfit, School Teachers outfit, a French Maids outfit and a Police Uniform I got rid of her
She obviously can't hold a job down !!!!!
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;D
