Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Oct 12, 2016 9:19:58 GMT 1, I won one of them on line competitions the other day. There was a choice between the two top prizes.
One was £250.00 in cash, the other one was a fully paid up night out for two at an Elvis lookalike evening.
They texted me the instructions:
Press - "One for the money, Two for the show"
I won one of them on line competitions the other day. There was a choice between the two top prizes.
One was £250.00 in cash, the other one was a fully paid up night out for two at an Elvis lookalike evening.
They texted me the instructions:
Press - "One for the money, Two for the show"
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Oct 16, 2016 11:58:12 GMT 1, What to rednecks do at Halloween?
Pumpkin
What to rednecks do at Halloween?
Pumpkin
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Dive Jedi
Junior Member
🗨️ 6,194
👍🏻 9,453
October 2015
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Joke of the day, by Dive Jedi on Oct 19, 2016 18:43:48 GMT 1, As a kid I had a gold fish with epilepsy. It was rather odd.
When he was swimming in his bowl he would be fine.
But as soon as I took him out and put him on the table he would get an attack.....
As a kid I had a gold fish with epilepsy. It was rather odd.
When he was swimming in his bowl he would be fine.
But as soon as I took him out and put him on the table he would get an attack.....
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Joke of the day, by Viking Surfer on Oct 20, 2016 11:40:13 GMT 1, This has always been one of my favourites. I remember seeing it for the first time pinned to the wall in my art class at uni.
This has always been one of my favourites. I remember seeing it for the first time pinned to the wall in my art class at uni. |
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Joke of the day, by duckyhoward on Nov 9, 2016 1:52:31 GMT 1, The English cricket team. (Sorry I couldn't resist - well not really). As any good Aussie cricket supporter knows, when the Poms are down in the cricket you don't stop kicking, you just kick harder.    Make the most of it Duckyhoward, we have been mullering you for the last 12+ months in most sports  and have you seen the state of your former talisman Shane Warne, he has been well and truly beaten by an English woman 
So that i am not accused of being in any way biased. I thought i would add this in for the english cricket fans on here. Updated joke of the day: The Aussie Cricket Team
The English cricket team. (Sorry I couldn't resist - well not really). As any good Aussie cricket supporter knows, when the Poms are down in the cricket you don't stop kicking, you just kick harder. Make the most of it Duckyhoward, we have been mullering you for the last 12+ months in most sports and have you seen the state of your former talisman Shane Warne, he has been well and truly beaten by an English woman So that i am not accused of being in any way biased. I thought i would add this in for the english cricket fans on here. Updated joke of the day: The Aussie Cricket Team |
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Nov 9, 2016 8:56:22 GMT 1, America
America
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Aug 2, 2017 16:30:35 GMT 1, A guy takes his dog to a theatrical agent. When it's his turn he introduces the dog and informs the agent that he owns the worlds only talking dog.
The agent is sceptical ...... "Oh yeah? I really haven't got time for this"
The guy just nods and says "Yep - he's a talking dog, I'll show you".
"Right boy, what do you find on the top of a house?"
"Roof" the dog replies (a bit growly)
"Good boy! Now, who was the most famous New York Yankee baseball player?"
"Ruth" the dog replies (again a bit growly and doglike)
The agent interrupts "OK, OK I've heard enough - stop wasting my time, get out and take the stupid mutt with you"
Outside. The owner of the dog shakes his head and looks disappointingly at the dog.
The dog looks up and asks "DiMaggio?"
A guy takes his dog to a theatrical agent. When it's his turn he introduces the dog and informs the agent that he owns the worlds only talking dog.
The agent is sceptical ...... "Oh yeah? I really haven't got time for this"
The guy just nods and says "Yep - he's a talking dog, I'll show you".
"Right boy, what do you find on the top of a house?"
"Roof" the dog replies (a bit growly)
"Good boy! Now, who was the most famous New York Yankee baseball player?"
"Ruth" the dog replies (again a bit growly and doglike)
The agent interrupts "OK, OK I've heard enough - stop wasting my time, get out and take the stupid mutt with you"
Outside. The owner of the dog shakes his head and looks disappointingly at the dog.
The dog looks up and asks "DiMaggio?"
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hibster
New Member
🗨️ 237
👍🏻 228
October 2013
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Joke of the day, by hibster on Apr 27, 2018 8:48:56 GMT 1, Make the most of it Duckyhoward, we have been mullering you for the last 12+ months in most sports and have you seen the state of your former talisman Shane Warne, he has been well and truly beaten by an English woman So that i am not accused of being in any way biased. I thought i would add this in for the english cricket fans on here. Updated joke of the day: The Aussie Cricket Team
Make the most of it Duckyhoward, we have been mullering you for the last 12+ months in most sports and have you seen the state of your former talisman Shane Warne, he has been well and truly beaten by an English woman So that i am not accused of being in any way biased. I thought i would add this in for the english cricket fans on here. Updated joke of the day: The Aussie Cricket Team & that was before the ball tampering! |
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Apr 27, 2018 14:56:40 GMT 1, A married couple in their early 40's are devastated to learn that the wife has a terminal condition and isn't likely to live more than a couple of weeks.
Back at home shortly after the diagnosis the wife informs her husband of her one regret .......... that they'd never experimented with anal sex. That night the matter is delicately attended to and the wife then sleeps soundly afterwards.
On waking, the following morning the wife springs from bed, makes tea and prepares breakfast and appears to be in a much improved state of mind.
The feeling of wellbeing improves for a couple of days with the wife looking radiant and healthy - so much so that they visit the specialist to find that her terminal condition has disappeared and she gets an immediate all clear.
In the car on the way home she is humming a tune and enjoying the day but realises that all is not well with her husband who is sitting with his hands on his face and quietly sobbing while they are delayed at a traffic light - he is clearly distraught.
"What is the matter, darling?" asks the wife. Her husband breaks down and sobs "I could have saved Mum"
A married couple in their early 40's are devastated to learn that the wife has a terminal condition and isn't likely to live more than a couple of weeks.
Back at home shortly after the diagnosis the wife informs her husband of her one regret .......... that they'd never experimented with anal sex. That night the matter is delicately attended to and the wife then sleeps soundly afterwards.
On waking, the following morning the wife springs from bed, makes tea and prepares breakfast and appears to be in a much improved state of mind.
The feeling of wellbeing improves for a couple of days with the wife looking radiant and healthy - so much so that they visit the specialist to find that her terminal condition has disappeared and she gets an immediate all clear.
In the car on the way home she is humming a tune and enjoying the day but realises that all is not well with her husband who is sitting with his hands on his face and quietly sobbing while they are delayed at a traffic light - he is clearly distraught.
"What is the matter, darling?" asks the wife. Her husband breaks down and sobs "I could have saved Mum"
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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katemid
New Member
🗨️ 19
👍🏻 20
March 2021
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Joke of the day, by katemid on Jul 21, 2021 7:16:19 GMT 1, Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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kjg
Junior Member
🗨️ 4,387
👍🏻 6,343
December 2014
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Joke of the day, by kjg on Jul 21, 2021 15:16:49 GMT 1, 
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and have you seen the state of your former talisman Shane Warne, he has been well and truly beaten by an English woman 
