:-)

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's hospital saying that since her husband had surgery there, he had lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman said "Mr Maynard was admitted to Opthamology where he a simple operation to correct his eyesight"

Haaaaa, Back to the Future!, funny that!.

Dead now though so shame.

A man at a job interview:


Employer: And finally, what would you say are your weaknesses?

Applicant: I suppose honesty. Honesty would be my main weakness.

Employer: But honesty is a good thing, I wouldn't think of it as a weakness?

Applicant: Who gives a fuck what you think.

chinese couple having sex in their restaurant after work, the boyfriend says hey honey give me a 69, girl says hey why you order beef chowmein now? haha

i've bought a race horse
i've called him "my face"
I dont want to win anything

i just wanna hear all those posh birds at Ascot shouting "come on my face"

My car wouldn't start the other day and i was stuck, rang my local AA man but he wouldn't come out it seems he's depressed

Unfortunately he'd had another breakdown

Nice.

I'm gonna tell this at work and claim it as my own if that's ok??!!!!

man and woman pass a couple who always arguing
Man: I cant believe theyre still together after all that shit
Woman: who, John and jane?
Man: nah, my butt cheeks

weak i know but there it is...

Here's an old one:

Young guy meets a lovely young lady at the pub. He's very well brought up and walks her home.
They are attracted to each other but she lives at home with her parents.
She says "I could invite you in for a moment, but my Mum and Dad are in bed - you'll have to be quiet"
So in they go.
After about 20 mins. He says "I need to use the loo". This is not good news so she tells him to use the sink in the kitchen.
A short while later he opens the kitchen door and asks "have you got any toilet paper handy"?

What do you call someone who films secretly and makes stories up about people?
EShifty character!

Sent from my C5303 using proboards

Just seen this job in the local Glasgow newspaper.
Bar staff wanted experience not needed but must be able to stick to a rota...

Sent from my C5303 using proboards

Duck walks into a pub....
Duck: Pint of bitter and a ploughmans please mate.
Barman: But you're a duck?
Duck: Yes,
Barman: And you can talk?
Duck: Yes, and I'm on lunch. Pint of bitter and a ploughmans please.
Barman: (still shocked) Yes, of course.

Same time next day, Duck walks into the pub...
Duck: Hey mate, pint of bitter and a ploughmans please.
Barman: (still shocked) I thought I was imagining things. You're a duck.
Duck: (sighs) Yes.
Barman: And you can talk?
Duck: Yes, and I'm hungry, so pint of bitter and a ploughmans please. (ffs)
Barman: Of course, no problem.

Weekend comes, and a circus rolls into town. The circus master visits the pub to promote the show....

Barman: Hey, I've got just the thing for you. This duck has started coming in here everyday for lunch, and (looks over his shoulders first) you'll not believe me, but he can talk!
Circus master: Really? I'd be keen to talk to him. Here's my card, get him to come and see me next week. I'd pay good money to have a talking duck working on my circuit, and I'll make sure you get a finders fee.
Barman: Sure, perfect.

Next week, lunchtime...
Duck: Hey mate, pint of bitter and a ploughmans please.
Barman: No problem. Oh, by the way, you seen that circus that's just rolled in to town..
Duck: Yes, saw that this morning.
Barman: Well the circus master came in over the weekend and I told him about you.
Duck: Ok.
Barman: He's keen to talk to you. I think there may be some money in it for you.
Duck: Has a job for me?
Barman: Yes, the circus master said he'd be really keen to meet with you to discuss it.
Duck: The circus.
Barman: Yes.
Duck: Tent poles, canopy, ropes and all that?
Barman: Yes!
Duck: What would they want with a plasterer?

The English cricket team.  (Sorry I couldn't resist - well not really).  As any good Aussie cricket supporter knows, when the Poms are down in the cricket you don't stop kicking, you just kick harder.