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Joke of the day, by duckyhoward on Dec 9, 2013 9:29:02 GMT 1, Good call Craig
I had to look up 'mullering' just to be check what it meant -but you have been mullering us in recent times - so i can't argue with you there.
But we will certainly make the most of the change in fortune (no Aussie wouldn't  ) - starting with this Ashes series. The normal order of things is hopefully being restored with this Ashes series too.
As for Warnie - i haven't been following the gossip mags - so not sure what, or who, he is up to of late. He is just fodder for your gossip mags and redtop tabloids now isn't he?
Most aussies will simply want to remember Warnie for this sort of thing.
Ducky 
Good call Craig I had to look up 'mullering' just to be check what it meant -but you have been mullering us in recent times - so i can't argue with you there. But we will certainly make the most of the change in fortune (no Aussie wouldn't ) - starting with this Ashes series. The normal order of things is hopefully being restored with this Ashes series too. As for Warnie - i haven't been following the gossip mags - so not sure what, or who, he is up to of late. He is just fodder for your gossip mags and redtop tabloids now isn't he? Most aussies will simply want to remember Warnie for this sort of thing. Ducky |
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johnnyh
Junior Member
🗨️ 4,492
👍🏻 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Dec 9, 2013 9:40:48 GMT 1, Ducky we gets trolls on here but this is probably the first instance of sledging on an art forum!!!!!
Oh yes almost forgot......f**k off 
Ps best best you win first
Ducky we gets trolls on here but this is probably the first instance of sledging on an art forum!!!!! Oh yes almost forgot......f**k off Ps best best you win first |
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Joke of the day, by Jeezuz Jones Snr on Dec 9, 2013 11:00:19 GMT 1, Ducky we gets trolls on here but this is probably the first stance of sledging on an art forum!!!!! Oh yes almost forgot......f**k off Ps best best you win first
Talking sledging, here are two crackers...
One of the all time great bowlers, Glen McGrath was getting frustrated at being unable to dismiss little known Zimbabwean cricketer Eddo Brandes.
McGrath: “Why are you so fat?”
Brandes “Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
Shane Warne: I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you.
Daryll Cullinan: Looks like you spent it eating.
Ducky we gets trolls on here but this is probably the first stance of sledging on an art forum!!!!! Oh yes almost forgot......f**k off Ps best best you win first Talking sledging, here are two crackers... One of the all time great bowlers, Glen McGrath was getting frustrated at being unable to dismiss little known Zimbabwean cricketer Eddo Brandes. McGrath: “Why are you so fat?” Brandes “Because every time I fuck your wife, she gives me a biscuit.” Shane Warne: I've waited two years for another chance to humiliate you. Daryll Cullinan: Looks like you spent it eating. |
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johnnyh
Junior Member
🗨️ 4,492
👍🏻 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Dec 9, 2013 11:27:37 GMT 1, Hopers not located in the Aussie gallery section
Hopers not located in the Aussie gallery section |
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temple
New Member
🗨️ 56
👍🏻 8
November 2010
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Joke of the day, by temple on Dec 9, 2013 17:03:49 GMT 1, did anyone do Nigella jokes already?
Did you see Nigellas Christmas recipe is announced .....she is going Cold Turkey
did anyone do Nigella jokes already?
Did you see Nigellas Christmas recipe is announced .....she is going Cold Turkey
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johnnyh
Junior Member
🗨️ 4,492
👍🏻 2,102
March 2011
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Joke of the day, by johnnyh on Dec 9, 2013 17:17:03 GMT 1, did anyone do Nigella jokes already? Did you see Nigellas Christmas recipe is announced .....she is going Cold Turkey
The best way to prepare cold turkey is with a sprinkling of icing sugar........one of Nigellas favorites
did anyone do Nigella jokes already? Did you see Nigellas Christmas recipe is announced .....she is going Cold Turkey The best way to prepare cold turkey is with a sprinkling of icing sugar........one of Nigellas favorites |
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Sweetcorn
New Member
🗨️ 984
👍🏻 487
January 2013
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Joke of the day, by Sweetcorn on Dec 24, 2013 21:02:50 GMT 1, Bad news for narcoleptics....
12 more sleeps till Christmas
Bad news for narcoleptics....
12 more sleeps till Christmas
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Joke of the day, by Octopus UK on Dec 30, 2013 18:58:03 GMT 1, Where did the clock go when it was hungry?
Back 4 seconds.
Where did the clock go when it was hungry?
Back 4 seconds.
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Joke of the day, by fingerz on Dec 30, 2013 19:51:39 GMT 1, Where did the clock go when it was hungry? Back 4 seconds.
Where did the clock go when it was hungry? Back 4 seconds. i think we bought the same crackers ..... lol |
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Joke of the day, by duckyhoward on Jan 5, 2014 7:32:54 GMT 1, The English cricket team. (Sorry I couldn't resist - well not really). As any good Aussie cricket supporter knows, when the Poms are down in the cricket you don't stop kicking, you just kick harder.   As predicted!  sorry but i couldn't resist!
The English cricket team. (Sorry I couldn't resist - well not really). As any good Aussie cricket supporter knows, when the Poms are down in the cricket you don't stop kicking, you just kick harder. As predicted! sorry but i couldn't resist! |
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Jan 9, 2014 17:42:05 GMT 1, Middle age couple go shopping in and around the 'West End' - Oxford Street/Bond Street etc and after about an hour they get separated. After about 45 minutes he phones her mobile.....
"Where are you"? she asks
He says "Do you remember when we first met all those years ago, we went to that Jewellers just off Bond Street where they had that beautiful Platinum and Diamond engagement ring that I couldn't afford to buy for you, but said that one day it would be yours"?
"Oh yes, of course I do my love. It was so beautiful, how could I ever forget it" She quietly replies, her eyes starting to well up.
"Well" says he "I'm in the Betting Shop next door"
Middle age couple go shopping in and around the 'West End' - Oxford Street/Bond Street etc and after about an hour they get separated. After about 45 minutes he phones her mobile.....
"Where are you"? she asks
He says "Do you remember when we first met all those years ago, we went to that Jewellers just off Bond Street where they had that beautiful Platinum and Diamond engagement ring that I couldn't afford to buy for you, but said that one day it would be yours"?
"Oh yes, of course I do my love. It was so beautiful, how could I ever forget it" She quietly replies, her eyes starting to well up.
"Well" says he "I'm in the Betting Shop next door"
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Jan 9, 2014 20:25:31 GMT 1, Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
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Sweetcorn
New Member
🗨️ 984
👍🏻 487
January 2013
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Joke of the day, by Sweetcorn on Jan 10, 2014 19:14:56 GMT 1, My girlfriend claims I try to make everything into a 'quiz'. Is that:
a) weird
b) annoying
c) unfair
My girlfriend claims I try to make everything into a 'quiz'. Is that:
a) weird
b) annoying
c) unfair
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Jan 12, 2014 17:24:34 GMT 1, Two guys get talking in the pub whilst watching a Rugby international featuring the All Blacks.
The first bloke, who's had 5 or 6 pints already, opines that "everybody from NZ is either a rugby player or a prostitute"
Second bloke stands up and declares "my wife comes from New Zealand"
"Oh!?" Says the first bloke..... "What position does she play"?
Two guys get talking in the pub whilst watching a Rugby international featuring the All Blacks.
The first bloke, who's had 5 or 6 pints already, opines that "everybody from NZ is either a rugby player or a prostitute"
Second bloke stands up and declares "my wife comes from New Zealand"
"Oh!?" Says the first bloke..... "What position does she play"?
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Jan 29, 2014 10:15:41 GMT 1, When I was a kid, many years ago, we lived in a very disadvantaged part of SE London. We were really poor.
I went into school one morning with one Wellington boot on.
My teacher, Miss Rose said "Oh dear! Trevor, did you lose a boot on the way to school"?
I said "No Miss, I found one"
Always cracks me up - my kids are totally fed up with it!
When I was a kid, many years ago, we lived in a very disadvantaged part of SE London. We were really poor.
I went into school one morning with one Wellington boot on.
My teacher, Miss Rose said "Oh dear! Trevor, did you lose a boot on the way to school"?
I said "No Miss, I found one"
Always cracks me up - my kids are totally fed up with it!
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Jan 30, 2014 2:54:33 GMT 1, Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell
Thanks to Home and Away for providing that gem of a joke about 20 years ago
Why do girls wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell
Thanks to Home and Away for providing that gem of a joke about 20 years ago
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Joke of the day, by Happy Go Lucky Chap on Feb 11, 2014 15:48:38 GMT 1, 
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.dappy
Full Member
🗨️ 9,841
👍🏻 9,462
December 2010
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Joke of the day, by .dappy on Feb 13, 2014 0:34:48 GMT 1,
Ouch!
I was in a real rough bar the other Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy."
I replied "Have you got a pen?"
She smiled and said "Yes."
I replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing."
Ouch! I was in a real rough bar the other Saturday night, when this really brutally ugly girl came up to me, squeezed my arse and said, "Give me your number, sexy." I replied "Have you got a pen?" She smiled and said "Yes." I replied, "Well you better get back to it, before the farmer notices you're missing." |
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Feb 16, 2014 14:28:55 GMT 1, "And today on Weight Fighters, we welcome Mandy from Somerset, who has lost an incredible 3 stone in one week, so, how have you managed it Mandy.?"
"I've stopped going to McDonalds, KFC and Burger King and the local Kebab shop" she said.
"That must have taken some really strong "Will Power" Mandy..?
"Not really", she said, "I can't fecking swim..!"
"And today on Weight Fighters, we welcome Mandy from Somerset, who has lost an incredible 3 stone in one week, so, how have you managed it Mandy.?"
"I've stopped going to McDonalds, KFC and Burger King and the local Kebab shop" she said.
"That must have taken some really strong "Will Power" Mandy..?
"Not really", she said, "I can't fecking swim..!"
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Mar 3, 2014 23:07:55 GMT 1, A mate of mine lost one of his ears in an industrial accident.
The surgeon managed to replace the missing ear with one from a pig.
When it was done I asked him "how's your hearing"?
He said "I dunno, all I get is this crackling"
A mate of mine lost one of his ears in an industrial accident.
The surgeon managed to replace the missing ear with one from a pig.
When it was done I asked him "how's your hearing"?
He said "I dunno, all I get is this crackling"
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Mar 16, 2014 15:26:06 GMT 1, Why does Noddy wear a blue hat with a bell?
Because he's a cunt
Why does Noddy wear a blue hat with a bell?
Because he's a cunt
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Joke of the day, by Hubble Bubble on Apr 15, 2014 17:46:24 GMT 1, A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him.
So he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy
“I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand , sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager," My wife is from New Zealand !"
"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"
A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce.
The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce.
The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him.
So he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy
“I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand , sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager," My wife is from New Zealand !"
"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"
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Trevorm
Junior Member
🗨️ 1,160
👍🏻 763
August 2010
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Joke of the day, by Trevorm on Apr 17, 2014 14:22:07 GMT 1, Two old guys, Bert and Alf, go for a cup of tea after meeting up in the Post Office pension queue.
"How you getting on, these days, Bert"
Bert says "yeah not bad - I played golf yesterday, it was just like the old days"
"Oh yes" says Alf, "we really used to burn the course up in the old days. How'd you get on"?
"Well, I started with an 8 then had an 8 at the short par three, then I went 8, 8, 8, 9....."
"9"! exclaims Alf
"Yes" says Bert - I'm not a f**king machine
Two old guys, Bert and Alf, go for a cup of tea after meeting up in the Post Office pension queue.
"How you getting on, these days, Bert"
Bert says "yeah not bad - I played golf yesterday, it was just like the old days"
"Oh yes" says Alf, "we really used to burn the course up in the old days. How'd you get on"?
"Well, I started with an 8 then had an 8 at the short par three, then I went 8, 8, 8, 9....."
"9"! exclaims Alf
"Yes" says Bert - I'm not a f**king machine
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Apr 17, 2014 15:50:33 GMT 1, .
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Apr 18, 2014 22:50:08 GMT 1, .
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Apr 18, 2014 23:16:55 GMT 1, Whats that one where the bloke gets 3 wishes and the first is that he wants a nob thats so long it almost skims the floor when he walks, anyhow there a puff of smoke and his legs are gone, whats that one?.
Also, when i was little my Grandmother had a friend called Minnie, an old lady, anyhow one day she was coming out of her front door and a piano fell on her!,she was dead of course, but the strange this was neither her nor her husband played the piano! they were removing it via an upstairs window haha.
Also, for those members from here who have visited me and either seen her or heard the story of Not Dead Dorothy, well she died.
Whats that one where the bloke gets 3 wishes and the first is that he wants a nob thats so long it almost skims the floor when he walks, anyhow there a puff of smoke and his legs are gone, whats that one?.
Also, when i was little my Grandmother had a friend called Minnie, an old lady, anyhow one day she was coming out of her front door and a piano fell on her!,she was dead of course, but the strange this was neither her nor her husband played the piano! they were removing it via an upstairs window haha.
Also, for those members from here who have visited me and either seen her or heard the story of Not Dead Dorothy, well she died.
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Apr 19, 2014 0:10:07 GMT 1, Two dogs were philosophising on life,.. one dog turned to the other and said what?
Woof
Two dogs were philosophising on life,.. one dog turned to the other and said what? Woof |
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Deleted
🗨️ 0
👍🏻
January 1970
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Joke of the day, by Deleted on Apr 19, 2014 11:55:56 GMT 1, Wheres that joke gone about the massive Todger on a car windscreen?, it was here last night?.
Wheres that joke gone about the massive Todger on a car windscreen?, it was here last night?.
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) - starting with this Ashes series. The normal order of things is hopefully being restored with this Ashes series too. 
